A Sad Journey

Traveling for a funeral is difficult. There is a preoccupation with what has happened – sometimes denial, sometimes anger, eventually acceptance. For me the stages of grief sometimes jumble all together. I can be savoring memories of the person and in the next second noticing something that I want to share with them….jerking myself back to the reality that they are not going to be there.

My journey a little over a week ago started at the airport on a very foggy and wet morning. I appreciated the busy-ness of the airport and the bustling of the many other passengers. Everything went smoothly and I realized that handling a lost bag or a flight delay would have been difficult. I was already very close to being overwhelmed.

The next day was sunny and that helped my mood too. Bits of greenery in the garden around collections of stones

And birdhouses and toy construction equipment helped too.

The next morning we were up early for a 4 hour drive to the funeral. When we started out before sunrise the clouds looked thick – almost ominous – in the direction we were going. By sunrise they were clearing although I was still as blurry as the picture and was glad someone else was driving on the first leg.

I felt better after the sun was up…stressed then calm during the funeral itself…the remembered another funeral in the same cemetery at the graveside. My grandmother was buried there almost 30 years ago. On that day is sleeting and the ground was icy. For this funeral, it was sunny, cold and the ground was muddy. The shoes I worn for this funeral were flats – much better than the heels I’d worn at that funeral long ago. I noticed that there was lichen growing on the top of my grandmother’s headstone….another indicator that time has passed.

Afterwards – the family ate a meal together. We all felt better for the sharing of stories. Some of us that live further away don’t see each other as often as we did in our growing up years.

And then is as another 4 hour drive and a flight back home. The flight home provided some quiet contemplation time (being alone in a crown of people) from the Texas landscape in the security line to the waiting area at Love Field ... and then a wonderful conversation with a woman sitting next to me on the plane. It was just what I needed emotionally – even though I didn’t realize it before it happened.

In the end – it was a sad journey…but the lowest points were brief with memories of so many happy times to savor and help me move on.