Fog

I am missing home today - having not been there at all this month (see hospital experiences blog posts). Nothing is ‘normal’ or ‘planned’ right now. It is hard to focus on more than getting through the next day or two.

My husband sent me a picture of the fog at Centennial Lake yesterday. The almost masked trees across the lake - their reflection in the water - the stones of the boat launch….I know the place well. The image evokes a bubble of calm for me. I’ll find myself looking at it frequently over the next few days when I need to fortify my emotional reserves.

Hospital Experiences - Part V

This is the fifth post in a series with thoughts about my recent experience having an elderly family member in the hospital - focusing on how life continues on with that disruption.

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I am resting up for my shift at the hospital. Mine is the overnight one. Our family member is improving but we are not comfortable leaving her alone at the hospital for long periods of time.

The mind muddling medications are becoming a thing of the past and we are gathering magazines, crossword puzzles, CDs, slide shows…..anything we can think of to stave off boredom for the patient and ourselves. She is not a person that watches a lot of television normally (television is usually the only diversion offered in the hospital rooms). The particular room she is in has a view of a construction project with three cranes being very active on the top of the emerging building (see previous post for a picture); we’ll have to position her reclining chair to take advantage of that view.

This is one of the first experiences with an extended hospital stay for the family. While most of the care has happened at a pace in sync with our expectations - there is one area that always has problems (the patient has to wait a long time on a gurney or the procedure is cancelled at the last minute because a conflict with some other patient’s procedure has occurred). Being a technical person - I now see it as a process problem since the problem has occurred repeatedly and am seeking a way to communicate the observation to the hospital so that they can improve.

Another issue is the coordination of care with multiple specialists. It does not appear that the primary doctor is always cognizant of what the specialists are doing and the specialists or not aware of each other either. It should not be up to the family to ask questions and insist that the care be coordinated. But that sometimes appears to be the case.

In general - our medial system appears to be a loose conglomerate of specialists treating illness rather than an integrated system toward health - or restoration of health. The skewing has become so acute that it is quite challenging for the patient (and the family) to understand the mental and physical actions that would move the patient toward a ‘healthiest they can be’ state.

Hospital Experiences - Part IV

This is the fourth post in a series with thoughts about my recent experience having an elderly family member in the hospital - focusing on how life continues on with that disruption.

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The joy of finally being released from the hospital was dashed by readmission in less than 24 hours. Now - two days later - we can see that the hours just before release from the hospital and then at home were steps backward. I am glad that now the steps are moving forward again but there are lessons the family has learned: 

• Be very reluctant about a Friday release from the hospital since there are not as many medical people in their office on the weekend. The primary option on the weekend is to go to an emergency room.
• Make sure that the sign off for release from the hospital is holistic. Our relative was sent home with swollen feet and trouble breathing when she laid flat (enough that she could not sleep easily).
• Patient advocacy is a role that family members should learn quickly. Be diplomatic but be assertive on the patient’s behalf because they may not have the energy to do it for themselves. Some examples from our experience are:
  • Waiting alone for more than a few minutes on a gurney should never happen. Ask to remain within hearing distance.
  • Multiple blood draws in short time proximity (ordered by different specialists) should be consolidated. Talk to the nurse about it and they can help make the request.
  • Ask questions - with the patient present and participating if they want and are able. In our case, the patient was interested in all the answers but was too ill some of the time to think of all of the questions.
• If there are multiple family members in the advocacy role - create a log that stays with the patient to make the transitions easier. 

Now that I am looking at this list, I am realizing that these lessons apply for anyone trying to assist a loved one in the hospital. They are certainly true when the patient is elderly.

On a personal level, I have developed some hospital room activities to keep myself collected and positive: taking a few minutes to observe life outside the hospital window, light reading, and doodling on 3x5 cards. There is a construction site outside the window that was active even on Sunday.

Hospital Experiences - Part III

This is the third post in a series with thoughts about my recent experience having an elderly family member in the hospital - focusing on how life continues on with that disruption.

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It is wonderful when all the changes start turning in the positive direction ---- and how focused physical therapy improves mobility almost magically. Even after 7 days in intensive care, the improvements come quickly with the increased physical activity seemingly speeding other aspects of recovery as well. Of course, it helps to have a patient that is anxious to leave the hospital and is willing to follow directions!

On the home front - we are graduating from a sustaining focus on eating and sleeping enough to getting the house ready for a walker and more guests. It’s easy to see that the homecoming will be quite a celebration...between rest periods.

The rose by the driveway is blooming and will be one of the first things she’ll see when we bring her home. After illness, the beauties in life are all the more appreciated both by the patient and the rest of the family.

Hospital Experiences - Part II

This is the second post in a series with thoughts about my recent experience having an elderly family member in the hospital - focusing on how life continues on with that disruption.

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Modern medicine is full of specialists and it is not always clear which - if any - are caring for the whole patient. There is a “who’s on first” confusion that occurs for the patient and the family as each specialist comes by to assess the patient. Our family eventually started keeping a log to track it all so that we could ask questions rather than simply accept everything that was going on. The family was thus able to point out to the doctors that one medication intended to be calming - was causing heightened anxiety and agitation instead.

The food in this particular hospital is upscale - presented more like a hotel room service than institutional fare: a menu from which to order via phone (the kitchen knows the dietary restrictions as soon as they are told the patient’s name, black trays and plate covers….delivered by people in black uniforms. It is quite an upgrade from the stereotypical hospital food.

On the ‘life goes on’ front - we have finally finished decorating the Christmas tree. Enjoy the photographic show below.

I’ll write about the experience of our family member moving from ICU to a regular room….a move in the right direction.

Hospital Experiences - Part I

This is the first post in a series with thoughts about my recent experience having an elderly family member in the hospital - focusing on how life continues on with that disruption.

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Our initial strategy was that we approach the hospitalization as an event that trumped anything else going on in our lives. Now that is has been ongoing for weeks, we are in the mode of developing ways to sustain that high level of support and stay healthy (emotionally and physically) ourselves. In retrospect - that should have always been the strategy.

Even with help from extended family - developing a ‘shift’ mentality for who is at the hospital - everyone is tired and somewhat frazzled. Tempers are frayed, requiring considerable will power to maintain. Everyone wants to behave in a way that will not cause later regret…but that does take energy.

As I write this - the family Christmas has been partially unpacked for the past 4 days. There are still boxes and bags of ornaments - ready to be hung but no one has time to do it. There were needles shed from the artificial tree as it was put up on the floor for days. Finally they were vacuumed up.

Everyone is achy because we are more sedentary than normal being in the hospital room. I am planning a walk to look at the building I worked in almost 40 years ago (when it was new) that happens to be across the street from the hospital.

Is this post a little disjoint? I attribute it to mild sleep deprivation!

Once a Technical Woman - Always a Technical Woman

I attended the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing conference this past week In Baltimore. The core audience for the conference was computer science or information technology students, academics, and early career professionals. I’m much further along - being in the field for 40 years and now starting down other paths. Still - the sessions prompted some reflection on my part and I’ll be doing several blog posts over the next week as I get my thoughts organized and written down.

The first key take away (for me) is that once a technical woman….always a technical woman. 

It doesn’t matter if I am working in the field or if I have gone on to other things. Being technical is entwined in everything I do. It’s blended with the way I choose to live and incorporated into my role as a matriarch. Here are some things that have happened since I left my computer-related career.

• I’ve transitioned to use my Kindle or other electronic media for an increasing amount of my reading. My piles of physical books are going to be a challenge to finish!
• I no longer use paper grocery lists. Instead I use the OurGroceries app on my Kindle (and PC).
• I still enjoy science and technology articles….they dominate the news feeds I have set up for myself. It is a luxury to set all the priorities based on my own interests rather than making choices based on what I needed to learn for my career or employer. The ‘gleanings’ for my Saturday post come from the news feeds I read regularly and always include quite a few technology or science related items.
• When I looked through the courses offered on Coursera there are so many of interest….I still tend to migrate toward technical ones. It’s exciting to have this new way to take a class. I’ve signed up for one that will start in a few weeks. The price is certainly right (free)!
• If I had to choose a favorite STEM (Science, technology, engineering, math) topic at this moment it would be botany. I haven’t done the stats - but I image almost half my blog posts have some linkage to plants.
• When I travel - I enjoy knowing science and technology related info about the places I visit (geology, physical geography, flora and fauna, power generation and meteorology) 

So - I am pretty sure that for me

Once a technical woman….always a technical woman

is true now and for the rest of my life. Later this week I’ll talk about a second reflection prompted by the conference: the distressing statistics about women in science and technology…..and why we should care.

Snail Mail

There aren’t nearly as many instances these days that I send something through the mail. There is a lot that can be done electronically that we used to do via mail. Even gifts can be ordered online and sent directly. The majority of items I receive in the mail are catalogs or ads that are sorted directly into the paper recycle pile. There are the occasional notifications and coupons for items I actually want to buy; it’s a challenge to find them amongst the things I am not interested in at all.

The only snail mail cards and letters I send these days are to individuals that, for one reason or another, are not online. Reverting to an older style of communicating takes a little extra thought - maybe a little more time - but it has the reward of overcoming a barrier that could end a relationship too soon. It has a dimension that email does not have - the physical paper or cards, envelopes, address labels, and stamps. There is tremendous variety. My favorite elements of variety are the stamps celebrating the 200th anniversary of statehood for Arizona, Louisiana, and New Mexico.   

Blog: September Celebrations

September begins tomorrow. What do you celebrate in September? Here are some items that are listed on my calendar.

Labor Day on 9/3. It makes a 3 day weekend for many in the US. Even though summer is not officially over until later in the month - Labor Day is typically the last hurrah of summer. Schools are starting and swimming pools are closing. Celebrate with end of summer foods like watermelon and corn on the cob.

Grandparents Day on 9/9 in the US. If you have grandparents living, this is a prompt to celebrate your relationship with them by sharing some aspect of your day with them. If your grandparents are deceased, acknowledge the legacy they left and their positive influence on your life.

First Day of Autumn on 9/22. In most parts of the US, the majority of leaves will still be green but this is a good time to get organized for cooler weather - deciding on additions/deletions for your fall wardrobe - and to plan a fall foliage excursion for the appropriate time in your area. Celebrate the change in seasons.

And - there are two Jewish holidays celebrated in September 

• Rosh Hashanah on 9/17.
• Yom Kippur on 9/26.

Summer Morning Gardening

The gardening time rule-of-thumb for me in August is - every morning from 7-8 that it is not raining. There is always something that needs to be done and something unexpected to note. The unexpected yesterday was this beautiful little mushroom with its gray pleats and white filaments.

I’ve caught up enough on the weeds to move iris and day lilies that have not done well in their current location because a young sycamore has gotten big enough to deny them enough sunlight - and they were getting too crowded. I didn’t realize the extent of the crowding until I started digging them up and found very dense bulbs/rhizomes. Next year there will be lots of flowers in the sunny bed where I’m moving them.

While I was digging and separating - I thought about how these plants are part of my heritage. The day lilies were a house warming present from my mother-in-law when she moved in with us 23 years ago. She’s been gone for about 22 years now - those day lilies are a wonderful reminder of her. I’m glad I remembered to dig them up to take with us when we moved to our current house. The irises are descended from some my mother dug from her Texas garden; they had been very prolific in her garden and she planted the excess for that year in my Maryland garden….over 15 years ago.

There were other items I’ve added to the garden over the years that I happened upon as I was digging

A small chunk of pale green glass purchased in a shop on the road to Hot Springs, Arkansas.

Shells picked up on some beach

And tomorrow there are still more day lilies and iris to dig up and move!

Past, Present, Future - Where are your thoughts?

We all go through cycles where we become skewed temporarily; overwhelmed by something in our past or worrying about something in the future. If we are at a high school reunion or looking through a book of old family photographs our thoughts are probably dominated by the past. If we are checking on our retirement savings or planning a wedding anniversary party for our parents we are thinking of the future.

Normally the present dominates.

Is that true through all of life? That may be counter to the traditional ideas 

• Of the young being more focused on the future - growing up fast and making a place for themselves in the world.
• Of the old thinking more about the past because they have more life that is past than ahead. 

Having past the mid-point in my life (assuming I might be lucky enough be healthy at 100) - I have been thinking about how my thoughts have shifted over the years. I enjoy history in the broad sense but tend to enjoy only brief sojourns into my own. It is true that now there are more pictures of my past and more opportunities for reconnecting with people from years past. But I remember enjoying looking at the baby book my mother had created of my early years even before I was 20 years old. Seeking to savor our personal past is not just for people past mid-life.

I’ve always enjoyed planning which is clearly a future oriented activity. Thinking of things that might happen and developing contingency plans…playing with ‘what if’ scenarios…has always been part of the way I set out to accomplish the goals I set for myself. Earlier in my life my planning was oriented to career and young family goals; now my planning is focused on goals for an older family and the next generation (i.e. grandchildren) when and if they arrive. While all along the way I’ve had an overarching desire to leave the world a better place; now I am thinking more about that more frequently as well.

So - what about today? Between the foundation of the past and the potential of the future - the present is always where the action is.

Recipe of the Week: Barbequed Pork Chops in the Crock Pot

My Crock Pot (slow cooker) is over 35 years old! It is a very dated style (the crock does not separate from the base to go into the dishwasher) and color (gold). I still use it a couple of times a month at least. One of my favorite recipes is for pork chops.

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Bottle of your favorite barbeque sauce

Pork chops (1-2 per person, I like the boneless ones that are cut thin)

Crock pot liner (to make clean up easy)

Place liner in crock pot. Layer pork chops and barbeque sauce. Cover. Cook on high for 1-2 hours and low for 6-8 hours.

The pork chops will always come out very tender and full of flavor from the barbeque sauce. 

Life History Part V - Family and Friends

This is the 5th of 7 posts with prompts to develop a life history. Previous posts in this series:

Introduction and childhood

Favorites

Habits

Emotions

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This fifth in the series is about Family and Friends - these are the most important people in life. Use these prompts to develop a life history section about them. 

• Tell me about your siblings.
• Tell me about your mother.
• Tell me about your father.
• How did your relationship with your parents change over the years?
• Tell me about our maternal grandparents.
• Tell me about your paternal grandparents.
• Tell me about our cousins.
• Do you like young children?
• What do people tend to always notice about you?
• Tell me about your friends.
• Tell me about your work colleagues.
• How often do you host gatherings?
• Where are gatherings you host or attend held?
• How many people do you exchange gifts with (birthday/Christmas, etc.) and what kind of gifts do you give and receive?
• Talk about the people that have known you your whole life.

Topics for the remaining parts of the series: the present, and the future. I’ll be posting them in the next two weeks.

Mother's Day

Today is Mother’s Day. How are you celebrating? 

• Telephone calls
• Flowers
• Cards
• Other gifts 

The most meaningful ways to express appreciation of our mothers are often quite simple and this day is just a prompt for us to think about it a bit more than usual. As a mother - I also have the perspective of being grateful for the richness being a mother has brought to my life.

Today - I am enjoying the freshness of newly painted walls at my house - anticipating that all of them will be done by mid-week. The painters started on Friday so we are in the middle of the project; the painters are taking the day off (to be with their mothers!) so we’ll take advantage of the day to get furniture and drapery back to normal in the rooms that are finished. I’ll post more about our experience in another post. What does painting have to do with Mother’s Day? It’s a ‘one time’ convergence of the day on the calendar with a home improvement project! I find myself celebrating the newness the fresh paint gives the rooms and the clean that comes from moving furniture and thoroughly vacuuming underneath.

As a mother - my celebration continues next week when my daughter arrives for a visit. We’ve received a box of something addressed to her - which she specifically said to not open until she gets here. I’ll buy some flowers for the table after the painters finish.

As a daughter - I called my mother early. I won’t see her until June so I sent an early card with an IOU for a dinner out while I am there.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

Life History Part IV - Emotions

This is the 4th of 7 posts with prompts to develop a life history. Previous posts in this series: 

• Introduction and childhood
• Favorites
• Habits

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This fourth in the series is about emotions. Emotions are the manifestation of feelings. Sometimes they are not entirely logical - but they give our lives dimension. Questions about emotions sometimes beg for a story to provide context. Here are some questions to start exploring the emotional side of a life history. 

• What has been the happiest moment of your life to date?
• What has been the saddest moment of your life to date?
• What holidays do you celebrate?
• How religious are you - what role does religion play in your life?
• Do you attend church (regularly...occasionally...ever)?
• What do you like most about your life right now?
• What do you like the least (or dislike) about your life right now?
• If you have to leave the house in a hurry - maybe not ever to return - what would you take with you?
• What is your definition of success?
• Give a couple of examples of things you enjoy doing with someone else.
• How do I know I can trust you?
• Are you an introvert or extrovert?
• Describe the clothes you like the best.
• Describe an emotionally charged event at work.
• Describe an emotional charged event at home or with your family.
• What makes you angry and what do you do when you are angry?
• How often have you gotten angry in the past month?
• Describe a conflict that did not work out as you had hoped.
• What is your general approach to conflict?
• How emotional are you generally - are you volatile or stoic? 

Topics for the upcoming parts of the series: family and friends, the present, and the future. I’ll be posting them about once a week.

Life History Part III - Habits

This is the 3rd of 7 posts with prompts to develop a life history.

Previous posts in this series: 

• Introduction and childhood
• Favorites

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This third in the series is about habits. Habits are regular patterns of behavior that may be almost automatic. They may change over the course of a lifetime so it may be worthwhile to think and talk about them in a time phased way (for example - if you are a morning person now…have you always been?). Some of these questions may have a short answer…some beg for elaboration and follow up questions. Enjoy the journey of discovery! 

• Are you usually a morning or evening person?
• When do you get up in the morning and what is your usual morning routine?
• What kind of clothes do you wear to work?
• What kind of clothes do you wear on the weekend?
• What television shows do you enjoy?
• What feeds do you look at regularly?
• What occasions cause you to dress up?
• When you get dressed up - what do you wear?
• Are you usually on time - late - or early for appointments?
• What is your biggest vice or guilty pleasure?
• What is your biggest meal of the day?
• What do you like to do while you eat?
• Do you shower or take baths?
• Do you get annual medical checkups and dental cleanings every 6 months?
• Are your meals about the same time each day?
• Do you take supplements/vitamins?
• Do you take medications/drugs?
• Do you have an 'evening' (before sleep) ritual?

Topics for the upcoming parts of the series: family and friends, the present and the future. I’ll be posting them about once a week.

Life History Part II - Favorites

This is the 2nd of 7 posts with prompts to develop a life history. The first one (and intro) can be found here.

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The second series is about favorites. Some on this list are probably more important to you or have a more dominate favorite…or there may be whole categories of favorites to add. The idea is to capture an individual’s preferences. Maybe some of those preferences have changed over time and that is worth a conversation rather than the short answer. Or maybe there really is not a favorite (i.e. if you choose a different flavor of ice cream every time you buy some…maybe you simply like almost all flavors of ice cream!).

Here is my starter list for ‘favorites’: 

1. Animal
2. ColorColor
3. Food
4. Nut
5. Ice cream flavor
6. Flower
7. Kind of vacation
8. Vacation destinationVacation destination
9. Jewelry
10. What do you most enjoy doing outdoors
11. Tree
12. Car
13. Thing to do when you have time
14. Home architectural styles
15. Furniture
16. Stores
17. Restaurants
18. Kind of music/performer
19. Movie
20. Book
21. Friend

Topics for the upcoming parts of the series: habits, family and friends, the present and the future. I’ll be posting them about once a week.

Prompts for Developing a Life History - Part I

Today I am starting a series of 7 posts that will include questions that can be used as prompts to develop a life history. They could be used as:

• A personal assessment of your own life (i.e. your own life history)
• A structure for initial conversations with someone else to get to know them (i.e. you each answer the question…and discuss further if needed)
• Interview questions for someone you know fairly well but have gaps in what your know about them (i.e. like a grandparent or parent or a grandchild that has always lived far away

You don’t have to use every question and you may think of others you would like to ask as you go through these. Writing or recording the answers will result in a rudimentary life history. Consider embedding pictures of items the supplement the narrative. Eventually you'll want to get it into a form you can easily edit - like a word processor - but you can start out with a tablet/blank book and pen. Sometimes ordinary things can have a lot of meaning (for example - a raggedy baby's blanket that is part of a 'first memory').

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The first series of questions is about your childhood through the completion of your education.

1. Where and when were you born?
2. What was your favorite activity as a child?
3. What is your earliest memory?
4. Who taught you your numbers and letters?
5. How much did you know before you went to school? Could you write your name, etc.?
6. What was your favorite subject in elementary school?
7. Who helped you with your homework in elementary school?
8. What was your elementary school classroom/school building like?
9. What was the most memorable event of elementary school?
10. Did you play a musical instrument? Do you still play?
11. What kind of ‘trouble’ did you have as a teenager?
12. What do you remember the most about high school?
13. What was your hardest class in high school?
14. Did you participate in sports in high school? Do you still play?
15. What extracurricular activities did you participate in during high school and college?
16. Did you have a job while you were in high school? If so - what did you do?
17. Do you have friends from high school you still keep in touch with?
18. Did you go to college?
    • Where?
    • What do you remember the most about college?
    • What was the hardest class for you  in college?
    • How was your college paid for?
    • What did you major in?
    • Did you have a job while you were in college? If so - what did you do?
    • In retrospect, to what extent did you use your college education in your work?
    • Do you have friends from college you still keep in touch with?
19. What was your first car?
20. Did you ever travel by yourself prior to college? If so - where, how, when?
21. Did your family take vacations? If so - where did you go/what did you do?

Later parts to this series will focus on favorites, habits, family and friends, the present and the future. The segments will come out about once a week.

Quote of the Day - 04/03/2012

Usually we think of wisdom in terms of lofty abstractions, not survival skills, absolute truths, not tactful equivocations. - Mary Catherine Bateson in Composing a Life

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Today’s quote prompts some thinking about wisdom. I’ve diagramed the quote in green in the mindmap below.

'Lofty abstractions' and 'absolute truths' are on the right and somehow seem more commonly associated with wisdom than 'survival skills' and 'tactful equivocations' shown on the left. We think of wisdom as the highest level of knowing (i.e. the sequence being data --> information --> knowledge --> wisdom) but do we recognize it in all the forms it takes?

Quote of the Day - 03/30/2012

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. - Goethe

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The quote above was used in the opening for a summary of a recent workshop on nutrition and healthy aging. It is a particularly good choice when it comes to the continuing challenge of nutrition and healthy choices we all make. Even when we know and are willing…somehow applying that knowledge to the actions we take doesn’t always happen. As the years go by, the not-so-good choices begin to take a toll on our overall health and quality of life.

The workshop was focused on the way communities can hone the services available to support the increasing number of older people within the same communities they have lived all along. With tight budgets in the years ahead, program streamlining and prioritization will become intense. The summary is in prepublication form but is an informative read.

 Nutrition and Healthy Aging in the Community: Workshop Summary (prepublication summary) is available free for online reading.