Fog

I am missing home today - having not been there at all this month (see hospital experiences blog posts). Nothing is ‘normal’ or ‘planned’ right now. It is hard to focus on more than getting through the next day or two.

My husband sent me a picture of the fog at Centennial Lake yesterday. The almost masked trees across the lake - their reflection in the water - the stones of the boat launch….I know the place well. The image evokes a bubble of calm for me. I’ll find myself looking at it frequently over the next few days when I need to fortify my emotional reserves.

Hospital Experiences - Part V

This is the fifth post in a series with thoughts about my recent experience having an elderly family member in the hospital - focusing on how life continues on with that disruption.

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I am resting up for my shift at the hospital. Mine is the overnight one. Our family member is improving but we are not comfortable leaving her alone at the hospital for long periods of time.

The mind muddling medications are becoming a thing of the past and we are gathering magazines, crossword puzzles, CDs, slide shows…..anything we can think of to stave off boredom for the patient and ourselves. She is not a person that watches a lot of television normally (television is usually the only diversion offered in the hospital rooms). The particular room she is in has a view of a construction project with three cranes being very active on the top of the emerging building (see previous post for a picture); we’ll have to position her reclining chair to take advantage of that view.

This is one of the first experiences with an extended hospital stay for the family. While most of the care has happened at a pace in sync with our expectations - there is one area that always has problems (the patient has to wait a long time on a gurney or the procedure is cancelled at the last minute because a conflict with some other patient’s procedure has occurred). Being a technical person - I now see it as a process problem since the problem has occurred repeatedly and am seeking a way to communicate the observation to the hospital so that they can improve.

Another issue is the coordination of care with multiple specialists. It does not appear that the primary doctor is always cognizant of what the specialists are doing and the specialists or not aware of each other either. It should not be up to the family to ask questions and insist that the care be coordinated. But that sometimes appears to be the case.

In general - our medial system appears to be a loose conglomerate of specialists treating illness rather than an integrated system toward health - or restoration of health. The skewing has become so acute that it is quite challenging for the patient (and the family) to understand the mental and physical actions that would move the patient toward a ‘healthiest they can be’ state.

Hospital Experiences - Part IV

This is the fourth post in a series with thoughts about my recent experience having an elderly family member in the hospital - focusing on how life continues on with that disruption.

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The joy of finally being released from the hospital was dashed by readmission in less than 24 hours. Now - two days later - we can see that the hours just before release from the hospital and then at home were steps backward. I am glad that now the steps are moving forward again but there are lessons the family has learned: 

• Be very reluctant about a Friday release from the hospital since there are not as many medical people in their office on the weekend. The primary option on the weekend is to go to an emergency room.
• Make sure that the sign off for release from the hospital is holistic. Our relative was sent home with swollen feet and trouble breathing when she laid flat (enough that she could not sleep easily).
• Patient advocacy is a role that family members should learn quickly. Be diplomatic but be assertive on the patient’s behalf because they may not have the energy to do it for themselves. Some examples from our experience are:
  • Waiting alone for more than a few minutes on a gurney should never happen. Ask to remain within hearing distance.
  • Multiple blood draws in short time proximity (ordered by different specialists) should be consolidated. Talk to the nurse about it and they can help make the request.
  • Ask questions - with the patient present and participating if they want and are able. In our case, the patient was interested in all the answers but was too ill some of the time to think of all of the questions.
• If there are multiple family members in the advocacy role - create a log that stays with the patient to make the transitions easier. 

Now that I am looking at this list, I am realizing that these lessons apply for anyone trying to assist a loved one in the hospital. They are certainly true when the patient is elderly.

On a personal level, I have developed some hospital room activities to keep myself collected and positive: taking a few minutes to observe life outside the hospital window, light reading, and doodling on 3x5 cards. There is a construction site outside the window that was active even on Sunday.

Hospital Experiences - Part III

This is the third post in a series with thoughts about my recent experience having an elderly family member in the hospital - focusing on how life continues on with that disruption.

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It is wonderful when all the changes start turning in the positive direction ---- and how focused physical therapy improves mobility almost magically. Even after 7 days in intensive care, the improvements come quickly with the increased physical activity seemingly speeding other aspects of recovery as well. Of course, it helps to have a patient that is anxious to leave the hospital and is willing to follow directions!

On the home front - we are graduating from a sustaining focus on eating and sleeping enough to getting the house ready for a walker and more guests. It’s easy to see that the homecoming will be quite a celebration...between rest periods.

The rose by the driveway is blooming and will be one of the first things she’ll see when we bring her home. After illness, the beauties in life are all the more appreciated both by the patient and the rest of the family.

Hospital Experiences - Part II

This is the second post in a series with thoughts about my recent experience having an elderly family member in the hospital - focusing on how life continues on with that disruption.

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Modern medicine is full of specialists and it is not always clear which - if any - are caring for the whole patient. There is a “who’s on first” confusion that occurs for the patient and the family as each specialist comes by to assess the patient. Our family eventually started keeping a log to track it all so that we could ask questions rather than simply accept everything that was going on. The family was thus able to point out to the doctors that one medication intended to be calming - was causing heightened anxiety and agitation instead.

The food in this particular hospital is upscale - presented more like a hotel room service than institutional fare: a menu from which to order via phone (the kitchen knows the dietary restrictions as soon as they are told the patient’s name, black trays and plate covers….delivered by people in black uniforms. It is quite an upgrade from the stereotypical hospital food.

On the ‘life goes on’ front - we have finally finished decorating the Christmas tree. Enjoy the photographic show below.

I’ll write about the experience of our family member moving from ICU to a regular room….a move in the right direction.

Once a Technical Woman - Always a Technical Woman

I attended the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing conference this past week In Baltimore. The core audience for the conference was computer science or information technology students, academics, and early career professionals. I’m much further along - being in the field for 40 years and now starting down other paths. Still - the sessions prompted some reflection on my part and I’ll be doing several blog posts over the next week as I get my thoughts organized and written down.

The first key take away (for me) is that once a technical woman….always a technical woman. 

It doesn’t matter if I am working in the field or if I have gone on to other things. Being technical is entwined in everything I do. It’s blended with the way I choose to live and incorporated into my role as a matriarch. Here are some things that have happened since I left my computer-related career.

• I’ve transitioned to use my Kindle or other electronic media for an increasing amount of my reading. My piles of physical books are going to be a challenge to finish!
• I no longer use paper grocery lists. Instead I use the OurGroceries app on my Kindle (and PC).
• I still enjoy science and technology articles….they dominate the news feeds I have set up for myself. It is a luxury to set all the priorities based on my own interests rather than making choices based on what I needed to learn for my career or employer. The ‘gleanings’ for my Saturday post come from the news feeds I read regularly and always include quite a few technology or science related items.
• When I looked through the courses offered on Coursera there are so many of interest….I still tend to migrate toward technical ones. It’s exciting to have this new way to take a class. I’ve signed up for one that will start in a few weeks. The price is certainly right (free)!
• If I had to choose a favorite STEM (Science, technology, engineering, math) topic at this moment it would be botany. I haven’t done the stats - but I image almost half my blog posts have some linkage to plants.
• When I travel - I enjoy knowing science and technology related info about the places I visit (geology, physical geography, flora and fauna, power generation and meteorology) 

So - I am pretty sure that for me

Once a technical woman….always a technical woman

is true now and for the rest of my life. Later this week I’ll talk about a second reflection prompted by the conference: the distressing statistics about women in science and technology…..and why we should care.

Life History Part V - Family and Friends

This is the 5th of 7 posts with prompts to develop a life history. Previous posts in this series:

Introduction and childhood

Favorites

Habits

Emotions

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This fifth in the series is about Family and Friends - these are the most important people in life. Use these prompts to develop a life history section about them. 

• Tell me about your siblings.
• Tell me about your mother.
• Tell me about your father.
• How did your relationship with your parents change over the years?
• Tell me about our maternal grandparents.
• Tell me about your paternal grandparents.
• Tell me about our cousins.
• Do you like young children?
• What do people tend to always notice about you?
• Tell me about your friends.
• Tell me about your work colleagues.
• How often do you host gatherings?
• Where are gatherings you host or attend held?
• How many people do you exchange gifts with (birthday/Christmas, etc.) and what kind of gifts do you give and receive?
• Talk about the people that have known you your whole life.

Topics for the remaining parts of the series: the present, and the future. I’ll be posting them in the next two weeks.

Mother's Day

Today is Mother’s Day. How are you celebrating? 

• Telephone calls
• Flowers
• Cards
• Other gifts 

The most meaningful ways to express appreciation of our mothers are often quite simple and this day is just a prompt for us to think about it a bit more than usual. As a mother - I also have the perspective of being grateful for the richness being a mother has brought to my life.

Today - I am enjoying the freshness of newly painted walls at my house - anticipating that all of them will be done by mid-week. The painters started on Friday so we are in the middle of the project; the painters are taking the day off (to be with their mothers!) so we’ll take advantage of the day to get furniture and drapery back to normal in the rooms that are finished. I’ll post more about our experience in another post. What does painting have to do with Mother’s Day? It’s a ‘one time’ convergence of the day on the calendar with a home improvement project! I find myself celebrating the newness the fresh paint gives the rooms and the clean that comes from moving furniture and thoroughly vacuuming underneath.

As a mother - my celebration continues next week when my daughter arrives for a visit. We’ve received a box of something addressed to her - which she specifically said to not open until she gets here. I’ll buy some flowers for the table after the painters finish.

As a daughter - I called my mother early. I won’t see her until June so I sent an early card with an IOU for a dinner out while I am there.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

Life History Part IV - Emotions

This is the 4th of 7 posts with prompts to develop a life history. Previous posts in this series: 

• Introduction and childhood
• Favorites
• Habits

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This fourth in the series is about emotions. Emotions are the manifestation of feelings. Sometimes they are not entirely logical - but they give our lives dimension. Questions about emotions sometimes beg for a story to provide context. Here are some questions to start exploring the emotional side of a life history. 

• What has been the happiest moment of your life to date?
• What has been the saddest moment of your life to date?
• What holidays do you celebrate?
• How religious are you - what role does religion play in your life?
• Do you attend church (regularly...occasionally...ever)?
• What do you like most about your life right now?
• What do you like the least (or dislike) about your life right now?
• If you have to leave the house in a hurry - maybe not ever to return - what would you take with you?
• What is your definition of success?
• Give a couple of examples of things you enjoy doing with someone else.
• How do I know I can trust you?
• Are you an introvert or extrovert?
• Describe the clothes you like the best.
• Describe an emotionally charged event at work.
• Describe an emotional charged event at home or with your family.
• What makes you angry and what do you do when you are angry?
• How often have you gotten angry in the past month?
• Describe a conflict that did not work out as you had hoped.
• What is your general approach to conflict?
• How emotional are you generally - are you volatile or stoic? 

Topics for the upcoming parts of the series: family and friends, the present, and the future. I’ll be posting them about once a week.

Life History Part III - Habits

This is the 3rd of 7 posts with prompts to develop a life history.

Previous posts in this series: 

• Introduction and childhood
• Favorites

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This third in the series is about habits. Habits are regular patterns of behavior that may be almost automatic. They may change over the course of a lifetime so it may be worthwhile to think and talk about them in a time phased way (for example - if you are a morning person now…have you always been?). Some of these questions may have a short answer…some beg for elaboration and follow up questions. Enjoy the journey of discovery! 

• Are you usually a morning or evening person?
• When do you get up in the morning and what is your usual morning routine?
• What kind of clothes do you wear to work?
• What kind of clothes do you wear on the weekend?
• What television shows do you enjoy?
• What feeds do you look at regularly?
• What occasions cause you to dress up?
• When you get dressed up - what do you wear?
• Are you usually on time - late - or early for appointments?
• What is your biggest vice or guilty pleasure?
• What is your biggest meal of the day?
• What do you like to do while you eat?
• Do you shower or take baths?
• Do you get annual medical checkups and dental cleanings every 6 months?
• Are your meals about the same time each day?
• Do you take supplements/vitamins?
• Do you take medications/drugs?
• Do you have an 'evening' (before sleep) ritual?

Topics for the upcoming parts of the series: family and friends, the present and the future. I’ll be posting them about once a week.

Life History Part II - Favorites

This is the 2nd of 7 posts with prompts to develop a life history. The first one (and intro) can be found here.

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The second series is about favorites. Some on this list are probably more important to you or have a more dominate favorite…or there may be whole categories of favorites to add. The idea is to capture an individual’s preferences. Maybe some of those preferences have changed over time and that is worth a conversation rather than the short answer. Or maybe there really is not a favorite (i.e. if you choose a different flavor of ice cream every time you buy some…maybe you simply like almost all flavors of ice cream!).

Here is my starter list for ‘favorites’: 

1. Animal
2. ColorColor
3. Food
4. Nut
5. Ice cream flavor
6. Flower
7. Kind of vacation
8. Vacation destinationVacation destination
9. Jewelry
10. What do you most enjoy doing outdoors
11. Tree
12. Car
13. Thing to do when you have time
14. Home architectural styles
15. Furniture
16. Stores
17. Restaurants
18. Kind of music/performer
19. Movie
20. Book
21. Friend

Topics for the upcoming parts of the series: habits, family and friends, the present and the future. I’ll be posting them about once a week.

Quote of the Day - 03/26/2012

We had no external limitations, no overriding authority, no imposed pattern of existence. We created our own links with the world, and freedom was the very essence of our existence. - Simone De Beauvoir in The Prime of Life: The Autobiography of Simone De Beauvoir

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Have you had a period of your life like the quote describes? The absolute of ‘no’ - ‘no external limitation, no overriding authority, no imposed pattern of existence’ - is what gives me pause. It is more interesting to think about a continuum:

Where are you right now on the continuum? Where have you been at other times in your life? Is there a correlation with age or financial security or relationships?

Often it is our interpretation of external limitations, overriding authority, and imposed pattern of existence that is more critical than anything that can be measured exactly. If the pattern of existence imposed is what we want to do anyway, is it counter to our concept of ‘freedom?’

Blue Tulip Glassware

I’ve had my Blue Tulip Glassware for a little over a month now. It appealed to me when I first saw it back in December and my appreciation of it continues to grow because its appeal has so many perspectives.

It is beautiful. The blue color of the glass depends on the lighting - all the way from turquoise to a pale Copenhagen blue. The smooth parts are tulip shaped but the nobs often give the impression of sunflowers; at first I thought the pattern was ‘sunflower’ and, based on some questions I noticed on some web sites, others may have made the same mistake. I started a project to photograph the sugar (a cup with two handles) 100 times; 10 of the best images are below.

It has history. Blue Tulip is Depression Glass. It was manufactured by the Dell Glass Company in the 1930s and 1940s. Most of the pieces that I have now were a wedding present given to an Oklahoma couple in the 30s. The set was purchased from the widow many years later by a couple that has known me all my life as they added to their collection of Depression Glass. They added some pieces they found at other places as well. When I visited them last December they commented that they were thinking about selling some of their collection and I offered to buy all the Blue Tulip. They gave me an excellent price for the antiques and it arrived in a big professionally packed glassware box in early March. Sometimes I think the glass is infused with all the happiness around it for the past 70+ years and somehow it rejected any unhappiness; it always seems to speak of home and long term relationships (both general and specific).

It encourages smaller portion sizes. The sherbet cups are a good size for ice cream or custard….any dessert served in a bowl. My husband and I have started using them frequently. The small plates are smaller too; a single muffin fits better than two. The dinner plates are the normal size but I find that the pattern encourages me to put less on the plate - so I can still see the pattern.

It fits the spring and summer season. I love the coolness of the blue color in spring and am anticipating I will like it even more during the summer.

Quote of the Day - 03/14/2012

To have and bring up kids is to be as immersed in life as one can be, but it does not always follow that one drowns.  A lot of us can swim. – Ursula K. Le Guin as quotes in Frank Barron, Alfonso Montuori and Anthea Barron (editors) in Creators on Creating: Awakening and Cultivating the Imaginative Mind (New Consciousness Reader)

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I really like this quote. The observation about having children and full immersion in life is apt…as is the idea that a lot of us either already know how to swim or discover how to do it before swallowing too much! Motherhood requires the sustained involvement from the whole of ourselves - physically and mentally - perhaps to a greater extent than anything else we will do in our lives.

Recognizing this does not mean that we don’t do other things at the same time. The life we want for ourselves is made from dynamic components, of which motherhood is one. These components enrich each other but can be challenging to blend together without undue friction. Have you thought about the proverb ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ linking the idea of motherhood with creativity? It’s all part of the ‘swim’ that we do!

My experience has been that motherhood has a core that is focused on the needs of the relationship to my daughter and tendrils that extend to every other facet of my life. Those tendrils are overwhelmingly positive - at work, within the community, with my extended family. The ‘immersed in life’ aspect forced me to understand more clearly the meaning of my life as a whole.

Even while focusing on the day to day aspects of children - the hope and optimism about the future is wrapped up in them too; from that perspective, being a mother is one of the most strategic things we do. What else has such long term impact directly on our life and has as high probability of extending past our lifetime?

Yes - children and being ‘immersed in life’ go hand in hand….here’s to enjoying the swim!

Ideal Mother

The story of the Indiana mother that saved her two children as her house collapsed around them from tornado winds has prompted me to think about the qualities that an ideal mother has.

1. Does whatever is needed to keep her children safe
2. Makes sure they are well feed (quantity and quality of food appropriate for their healthy growth and development)
3. Holds them when they need to be held
4. Knows when to let them decide or do it themselves
5. Supports their intellectual development by enabling them to satisfy their natural curiosity and presenting them with opportunities to expand their understanding of the world
6. Encourages increasing independence
7. Seeks medical or other expertise as needed
8. Emphasizes the importance of school and other preparation for adult life
9. Adapts to the individual needs of the child
10. Provides for basic physical needs like housing and clothing

This is not a complete list; it is just the first 10 things I thought of.  My perception is that almost every mother has the natural inclination to strive for the ideal and most of us have a very similar concept of what the ideal is although our ability to actually do it varies widely. Part of the ideal is probably instinctual - part of our human heritage. In the end, we want our children to become healthy and productive young adults and shift our parenthood focus more toward the friendship end of the spectrum of motherhood.

Isn’t it wonderful that in today’s world, there is a strong likelihood that we’ll know them for more years as adults than as children?

Quote of the Day - 2/28/2012

I live the history that I can tell.  And of course the history today in books that’s written a lot is not really the true thing, as it was lived. – May Wing as quoted by Susan Armitage and Elizabeth Jameson in The Women's West

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Most of us probably start out thinking ‘history is history’ and we learn whatever is required for the test. But later we realize that history is quite complex and reflects the perspective of its author(s). One good analogy is that in most cases, history is a thread, rather than the woven cloth, of the past. Eventually we may construct a cloth but it is still loosely woven and rather forlorn compared to real life.

Of course, individuals have their own field of view and even living through important events of their time provides as single viewpoint of the event. A life is more than a linear series of events.

The passage of time is sometimes helpful to the extent that the threads having the greatest impact on the present can be traced back. Even then - the perspective of the person doing the track back influences selection.

Older pioneer women have often expressed the sentiment that ‘a lot is not really the true thing, as it was lived’ and some of their stories have been captured. Those efforts have enriched the historical ‘cloth’ for that time period but also made me more cognizant of how narrow the perspective is in traditional history.

Fifty years from now will the challenge not be a lack of perspective of this time but the tangle of threads - a myriad of perspectives…that won’t fit neatly into a woven cloth of history at all.

Quote of the Day - 2/27/2012

The significant fact about women in fiction as in life, is that after youth and childbearing are past, they have no plot, there is no story to be told about them. – Carolyn Heilbrun as quotes by Terri Apter in Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife

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Really? It certainly seems to be a frequent perspective in popular media…that doesn’t make it a ‘fact’ though. Does this reflect what is going on in society or simply turning a blind eye? It seems largely out of step with the trends in the past 40 years. With the baby boomer women becoming part of the ‘after youth and childbearing’ set, they are a demographic that will have financial and emotional clout for years to come.

It bothers me to think that any major life segment would be such that ‘there is no story to be told about them.’ For many women, the ‘after youth and childbearing’ stage of their life may be over 40 years! The women I know in this phase are doing so many things….there are new stories that they tell on themselves and others every time I see them. They are matriarchs…enjoying the plot and story of their lives.

Quote of the Day - 1/3/2012

Nature uses as little as possible of anything. - Johannes Kepler

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Nature is a great teacher. The tangent I want to take from the quote today is not so much the first order lesson of biology…it is the translation of what we observe in nature to the way we live our own lives. The beginning of the year prompts thinking of changes we want to make and the theme for me this year is what I take from this quote.

‘Use as little as possible’ is a great mantra. I want to de-clutter all aspects of my life. Clutter gets in the way of what is truly important. It means that I need to better differentiate between what is essential and what is fluff.  The fluff needs to be used up, reused, donated, or recycled. Over the past few years I have focused on reducing the amount of trash the household produces but there has been a slow accumulation of things - older clothes, furniture that is no longer needed, etc. It needs to find a new home in 2012 enabling my life to be honed in the same way nature hones biologic systems.