Becoming 60 - Part IV

Through the end of the year - I’m writing one post a month about my thoughts on becoming 60. The theme for this month is my perception of conflict and happiness at this point in my life.

Conflict

I’ve read that many of us become less confrontational as we get older; there is a tendency to avoid conflict as much as possible. When I was in elementary school, I remember going on a family vacation and my grandparents agreeing with everything, always saying ‘whatever you want’ in response to a question about their preference. It was so different than my parents or my sisters or my own response to such questions that I noticed it and the episode stands out with clarity in my mind now. My grandparents would have been around 60 at the time. Why did they let everyone else decide what they wanted to do?

• Maybe they had decided that being on vacation with family was all that mattered - that what we actually did was of much lesser importance and it was really true that any of the choices would be equally enjoyable to them.
• Maybe they did have a preference but did not feel strongly enough about it to articulate it. All the choices were acceptable to them so they opted to let others choose.
• Maybe they felt overwhelmed by the choices - the place was new to them and they simply could not be comfortable choosing.

I never asked my grandparents about it later and they may not have even remembered the time as significant as it was in perception. I know that now that I am becoming 60 that I still make a lot of choices as I interact with other people but I also find myself being equally satisfied with several alternatives so it makes it easier for close relationships to move along with no conflict.

I am less tolerant of people that are very confrontational or are passive aggressive confrontational (seemingly agree, avoiding confrontation, and then do something completely different). During my career I was adept at diffusing conflicts of this type but I never enjoyed it. Not having to tolerate certain types of conflict may be the aspect of being post-career that I savor the most!

Happiness

A lot has been said about happiness - about how to measure it, about how people strive for happiness. At 60, what I want is not just ‘happiness’ - I want

• Meaning to living
• Comfort
• Good health
• Satisfaction
• New things to learn and experience
• Close family relationships
• Ability to contribute toward a better world
• Multiple paths into the future

There is probably more I will add to the list over time. I notice now that the things I put on the list are of longer duration than ‘happiness.’ Perhaps any emotion is too fleeting to be a goal. What if the only way we could achieve it 100% of the time was through modifying ourselves in some way….and would we still be human if we did?

Earlier posts:

Part I theme: The future looks bright

Part II theme: An interlude to choose the best for the rest of my life

Part III: Pleasures