motherhood — 2012 — The 21st Century Matriarch

To have and bring up kids is to be as immersed in life as one can be, but it does not always follow that one drowns. A lot of us can swim. – Ursula K. Le Guin as quotes in Frank Barron, Alfonso Montuori and Anthea Barron (editors) in Creators on Creating: Awakening and Cultivating the Imaginative Mind (New Consciousness Reader)

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I really like this quote. The observation about having children and full immersion in life is apt…as is the idea that a lot of us either already know how to swim or discover how to do it before swallowing too much! Motherhood requires the sustained involvement from the whole of ourselves - physically and mentally - perhaps to a greater extent than anything else we will do in our lives.

Recognizing this does not mean that we don’t do other things at the same time. The life we want for ourselves is made from dynamic components, of which motherhood is one. These components enrich each other but can be challenging to blend together without undue friction. Have you thought about the proverb ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ linking the idea of motherhood with creativity? It’s all part of the ‘swim’ that we do!

My experience has been that motherhood has a core that is focused on the needs of the relationship to my daughter and tendrils that extend to every other facet of my life. Those tendrils are overwhelmingly positive - at work, within the community, with my extended family. The ‘immersed in life’ aspect forced me to understand more clearly the meaning of my life as a whole.

Even while focusing on the day to day aspects of children - the hope and optimism about the future is wrapped up in them too; from that perspective, being a mother is one of the most strategic things we do. What else has such long term impact directly on our life and has as high probability of extending past our lifetime?

Yes - children and being ‘immersed in life’ go hand in hand….here’s to enjoying the swim!

The story of the Indiana mother that saved her two children as her house collapsed around them from tornado winds has prompted me to think about the qualities that an ideal mother has.

Does whatever is needed to keep her children safe
Makes sure they are well feed (quantity and quality of food appropriate for their healthy growth and development)
Holds them when they need to be held
Knows when to let them decide or do it themselves
Supports their intellectual development by enabling them to satisfy their natural curiosity and presenting them with opportunities to expand their understanding of the world
Encourages increasing independence
Seeks medical or other expertise as needed
Emphasizes the importance of school and other preparation for adult life
Adapts to the individual needs of the child
Provides for basic physical needs like housing and clothing

This is not a complete list; it is just the first 10 things I thought of. My perception is that almost every mother has the natural inclination to strive for the ideal and most of us have a very similar concept of what the ideal is although our ability to actually do it varies widely. Part of the ideal is probably instinctual - part of our human heritage. In the end, we want our children to become healthy and productive young adults and shift our parenthood focus more toward the friendship end of the spectrum of motherhood.

Isn’t it wonderful that in today’s world, there is a strong likelihood that we’ll know them for more years as adults than as children?