Sustaining Elder Care – November 2024

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I have two book/puzzle sorting days at my community library before I go off to Dallas again…I am hoping to find some more 300-piece puzzles to take for my Dad. I think he is probably running a bit low and maybe my sister is bringing some older ones back that he hasn’t done recently. We don’t have as many 300-piece as we do 500…and those 500-piece ones are getting too hard for him.

The past month has been more stressful in terms of elder care than I anticipated. There is a disagreement between us daughters about whether he is having pain when he eats and he needs his food ground up. Observations of him eating are not consistent. We have asked the dentist he saw last to make an assessment….since to make the change in mealtime routine for the assisted living staff will require a doctor’s order.  On the plus side – I don’t think my dad is aware of the turmoil. Most of the interaction among my sisters and I is via text; I’ve stopped looking at the messages about an hour before bedtime to try to reduce the impact on my sleep. It’s also caused me to start thinking more about what I want my relationship with my sisters to be separate from our shared interest in our father’s well-being.

Sustaining Eldercare – October 2024

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A big worry in any group living situation with older people – something contagious going around - seemed to be happening in late September. Dad developed upper respiratory congestion and was not feeling well at all; the medication his doctor prescribed made his balance even more precarious but appeared to help him otherwise. No one else in the assisted living residence had it so it might have been a seasonal allergy flare up. He is the only resident that goes outdoors on a regular basis – for his walks around the block and to help water plants around the patio. He is back to normal at this point and the family is very relieved.

We are continuing to enjoy jigsaw puzzles with him. There are some clues that don’t work for him anymore – like tiny writing on a puzzle piece; his eyesight is not good enough to read the words.

One of my sisters took a closer look at his toothbrush and electric shaver recently. The toothbrush needs to be replaced, and the electric shaver looked as if it hadn’t been cleaned for a long time. Since both of those things are items we need to provide for him, we should have been monitoring them more closely. We are good about the things we do for him daily (like putting out clothes for the next day) but probably need a list of things we check periodically (like the toothbrush and electric shaver)! The other toiletries – like toothpaste and lotion and soap – were already on our radar and there are extras of those things already available under the sink of his bathroom.

He has been living in the assisted living residence for 10 months now. My sisters and I are still tweaking how we best support him…some is just to be expected since we want to be responsive as his needs change, but other tweaks are discoveries for us of things we should have been doing proactively all along (like checking the toothbrush and the electric razor).

Sustaining Elder Care – July 2024

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A full month had passed since my visit to my father in June and I noticed that his situation seemed calmer this month although the staff at the assisted living home were stressed with acclimating 2 new residents and the further decline of another. It took them longer to answer the front doorbell on both of my visits, but on both days my dad’s room was clean, he was dressed in clean clothes, and he had just finished a meal.

Since I arrive in the afternoon, it was too hot for a walk outdoors. One of the staff members stopped by to tell me she had taken him in the morning just after breakfast. We finished a puzzle in the great room (he was very pleased since the easy parts had been done the day before and the remaining pieces were mostly the same color). Afterward we went into the back yard, and he sat in the shade while I watered the plants that my sister managed to transfer from his former home; they need to be watered daily in the hot Dallas summer; my mother’s miniature rose bush is blooming profusely. I put out his clothes for the next day. It seems 2 to 2.5 hours is the ideal duration for visits with him. When I left, he was going to take a nap.

The next morning, I got bitten by something (ants?) as I waited for a staff member to let me into the house (fortunately the welts disappeared quickly once I used my After Bite stick). The staff were evidently overwhelmed with helping another resident (or two); they left the door a little ajar so I could immediately take Dad for a walk. The temperature was still pleasant, and I was surprised at the pace Dad set; it is clear that he is walking regularly and had built up his stamina. We made it around the block in good time – but enough that whatever was keeping the staff busy had resolved by the time we got back. I encouraged my dad to drink some water and we started a new puzzle. It turned out to be harder than we anticipated, and we only got about 2/3 of the border done before we decided to take a break to water plants in the backyard. And he was worn out from those activities…ready for a nap before lunch!

My dad is visited by me or my sisters almost every day. We all put out clothes for him to wear the next day and (right now) water plants. If the weather permits, we take him for a walk. We work on a puzzle with him. There has been at least one instance where he has requested that a puzzle be framed for his wall – and participated in the process to get it ready for the frame. He seems to be settling into a comfortable pattern.

The newest challenge has been him getting cold and putting on a jacket when he is in his room. Evidently the thermostat for his part of the house is in the kitchen and when there is a lot of cooking happening there it gets hot enough to cause the air conditioner to come on. His room gets about 5 degrees cooler than the kitchen! The staff is aware of the issue and is monitor. We are also reminding him that it is warmer in the community room where the puzzle table and large recliners are located…but he seems to prefer the jacket and his room at least some of the time!

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Sustaining Elder Care – May 2024

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Since my last ‘sustaining elder care’ post, I have been to Dallas twice and am acknowledging that maybe my plan to drive down once a month is not going to work. Two times a month is becoming my more realistic plan.

Now that the days are longer, I can visit in the afternoon on the day I drive down and again in the morning before I drive back to Missouri. My dad is the only morning person in his assisted living group home so visiting him in the morning is prime one-on-one time. He frequently has a ‘first breakfast’ before anyone else is awake (about the time I arrive) and then eats again with everyone else. Between the two light meals we can take a walk around the block or maybe further if his stamina increases; in the summer, the morning walk might be his only walk of the day.

One of the challenges right now is that my dad tends to lose track of his reading glasses (he needs them to work on puzzles). My sister has brought a supply but hopefully some of them will show up again. While we were working on the puzzle during my morning visit, he did it without glasses! He seemed to enjoy the challenge of working from the shape of the piece entirely – and he was successful plenty of times.

I bought 10 more puzzles at the $3/bag day at my Missouri library’s used books (and puzzles) sale. What a bargain! One of them was a duplicate but it still was a good deal! We started the beach and lighthouse puzzle in the upper left corner of the picture below during my first visit in May.

There has been some upheaval at the assisted living home – the lead staff member being reassigned to another home and some leadership being rotated in from other homes – the company searching for a permanent replacement. There is also a new resident in a room near my dad’s. So far, he seems to be unperturbed by the changes, but my sisters and I are thinking more about what our plan would be if something went very wrong at the home where he is.

Previous Elder Care posts

Zentangle® – January 2024

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31 days in January – 31 Zentangle tiles selected from 74 created during the month. I split my time between Carrollton TX and home (Missouri) during the month…with plenty of quiet times sandwiched between roller coaster emotions. The islands of calm creating the tiles were little boosts to my emotional resilience. I created two series.

The first was made on pale yellow and green 3x5 index cards that were in unopened packages of my Dad’s office…found when we were cleaning it out. He used to carry a few cards in his shirt pocket for jotting down notes or making lists. I’m not sure when he stopped, but he has. So – I am using the cards for Zentangle tiles…and thinking of him!

The other series is made on round paper coasters. They all started with the same string (four lines intersecting in the center)…and then the variations begin!

And then there were the colorful square tiles.

I am enjoying looking at the mosaics…thinking back on the challenge of the past 3 months and acknowledging the positive impact of including Zentangle tiles in my daily routine.

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The Zentangle® Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It was created by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. “Zentangle” is a registered trademark of Zentangle, Inc. Learn more at zentangle.com.