Sustaining Elder Care – November 2024

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I have two book/puzzle sorting days at my community library before I go off to Dallas again…I am hoping to find some more 300-piece puzzles to take for my Dad. I think he is probably running a bit low and maybe my sister is bringing some older ones back that he hasn’t done recently. We don’t have as many 300-piece as we do 500…and those 500-piece ones are getting too hard for him.

The past month has been more stressful in terms of elder care than I anticipated. There is a disagreement between us daughters about whether he is having pain when he eats and he needs his food ground up. Observations of him eating are not consistent. We have asked the dentist he saw last to make an assessment….since to make the change in mealtime routine for the assisted living staff will require a doctor’s order.  On the plus side – I don’t think my dad is aware of the turmoil. Most of the interaction among my sisters and I is via text; I’ve stopped looking at the messages about an hour before bedtime to try to reduce the impact on my sleep. It’s also caused me to start thinking more about what I want my relationship with my sisters to be separate from our shared interest in our father’s well-being.

Book sorting for Friends of the Library

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There were not a lot of books on the table to sort when I volunteered this week…and there weren’t any 300-piece puzzles on the shelves (I can buy them for $2 each to take to my Dad when there are).

The shelves that we use for sorting were full for hardback fiction, softback fiction, history, and non-fiction. I boxed books and managed to mostly clear the table while I did.

Just as I was beginning to think I would finish early, a librarian brought in a cart of donated books! There was enough hardback fiction to fill a box – no trip to the shelves for them. And the rest I sorted onto shelves. And the big bonus: there was a 300-piece puzzle that will go to Dallas next time I make the trek!

Sustaining Eldercare – October 2024

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A big worry in any group living situation with older people – something contagious going around - seemed to be happening in late September. Dad developed upper respiratory congestion and was not feeling well at all; the medication his doctor prescribed made his balance even more precarious but appeared to help him otherwise. No one else in the assisted living residence had it so it might have been a seasonal allergy flare up. He is the only resident that goes outdoors on a regular basis – for his walks around the block and to help water plants around the patio. He is back to normal at this point and the family is very relieved.

We are continuing to enjoy jigsaw puzzles with him. There are some clues that don’t work for him anymore – like tiny writing on a puzzle piece; his eyesight is not good enough to read the words.

One of my sisters took a closer look at his toothbrush and electric shaver recently. The toothbrush needs to be replaced, and the electric shaver looked as if it hadn’t been cleaned for a long time. Since both of those things are items we need to provide for him, we should have been monitoring them more closely. We are good about the things we do for him daily (like putting out clothes for the next day) but probably need a list of things we check periodically (like the toothbrush and electric shaver)! The other toiletries – like toothpaste and lotion and soap – were already on our radar and there are extras of those things already available under the sink of his bathroom.

He has been living in the assisted living residence for 10 months now. My sisters and I are still tweaking how we best support him…some is just to be expected since we want to be responsive as his needs change, but other tweaks are discoveries for us of things we should have been doing proactively all along (like checking the toothbrush and the electric razor).

Ten Little Celebrations – September 2024

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It seemed liked the heat of summer lingered into September this year…but we are already savoring a few cooler days and looking forward to fall foliage. There was plenty to celebrate this month:

Places to visit

Butterflies at Botanical Garden of the Ozarks (in Fayetteville). Celebrated finally seeing some of the larger butterflies although it was in Arkansas rather than at home.

A few hours at the Lovett Pinetum. The place is not a park…requires some coordination to visit. I visited as part of my Identifying Woody Plants class (Missouri State University) and celebrated the evergreens…but also the native plants that are growing in the unmanaged areas. There is also a lovely spring feed pond and then stream.

Japanese festival at the Springfield Botanical Gardens. Celebrating big drums and the Mizumoto Japanese Stroll Garden full of people enjoying the fall day. We got ice matcha tea just before the booth was scheduled to close!

La Petite Prairie field trip. Celebrating the experience of walking through a prairie with grass almost as tall as me for the first time….and not getting bitten by anything (maybe because of my permethrin treated gaiters and hat…long sleeves and jeans).

Family ties

Finding puzzles for Dad. Finally…found a used books/puzzles sale that had some 300 piece puzzles. Celebrated and took them down to Dallas for my dad a few days later.

Around our yard

A cooler day. September had some hot days…but there are cooler ones where the high stays in the 70s to celebrate too.

Getting the yard mowed and the brush burning in the chiminea. I celebrated that I got so much yard work done on one of the cooler days…mowed the whole yard and burned a pile of brush that had accumulated during the summer.

Collecting pin oak acorns to sprout. Celebrating finding a video about sprouting acrons in water and starting the process with some carefully selected acorns from my neighbor’s tree that fell in my yard.

Planting pawpaw seeds. So many seeds from 2 pawpaws I got from an earlier master naturalist class! This time I stratified them before planting. I am celebrating that I got them in the ground…and hopefully will celebrate some of them coming up next spring/summer.

American Spikenard seeds turning red. Celebrating that the American Spikenard I planted a year ago has survived and is producing red seeds this September.

Sustaining Elder Care – September 2024

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The past month has been challenging with one sister still traveling and another exposed to COVID (disrupting her visits to my dad). We have still sustained our goal for someone in the family to see him every day.

He is changing a bit too…often wanting to go to bed much earlier than usual. That compresses the time for us to have a good visit with him. Sometimes he will get up when one of us arrives and work on the puzzle or go for a walk if it is still light outside. It helps that the weather is not quite as hot as it was in August.

I found 9 puzzles at a used book/puzzle sale done by the Springfield MO libraries and my sister that it traveling has purchased puzzles at some of the places she visited. One of the ones I found might be kept until closer to Christmas rather than leaving it for him to do now.

The staff at his assisted living home has encouraged us to proactively reduce the clutter in his room so his day-to-day activities are less confusing to him. We’ve cleared surfaces by putting some things in enclosed storage areas and reduced the numbers of linens (he had more than double what he needed!). We took away shoes and clothes that he doesn’t wear any more. We tried to transition him from jeans to pull-on type pants and discovered that he wants to stay with the jeans!

His medical team which makes house calls for his checkups has done bloodwork, and he is in good health. But he is over 90 and some days he feels better than others.

One of my sisters is looking for ways to use his television screen to provide visually interesting slideshows; he is not interested in watching television shows or the news anymore. Hopefully we can do some experimenting over the next month to see if we can develop another activity he can enjoy.

Ten Little Celebrations – August 2024

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The heat of summer is still with us…but there are signs of fall too. Lots to celebrate in August.

Road trip adventures that didn’t become problems. In the first hour of my road trip to Dallas I saw a skunk and an overturned semi-truck. The skunk abled away from the road (i.e. did not become roadkill) and the semi was on the oposite side of the highway!

Finding puzzles. Keeping the supply of puzzles coming for my dad at his assisted living home is a little more challenging since he requires ones with 500 or fewer pieces…and they can’t be small pieces. I was celebrated a couple for a reasonable price and the used book/puzzles sale from Friends of the Library is coming up in a few days where I should be able to get a good supply for $2 each.

A cooler than expected morning in Dallas. My dad likes to take walks in the neighborhood where he lives so I celebrated the morning when I was there was cool enough for the activity (it didn’t start raining until a couple of hours later when I was starting the drive back to Missouri).

Getting the whole yard mowed. I am celebrating that my stamina has improved enough that I can mow the whole yard on one day (my husband made it a little easier by buying an extra battery so I’m more confident of having enough power for the mower even if the grass is a little wet).

A rainy day. It’s been a drier August than usual. I celebrated when I heard it raining in the early morning hours.

Starting the stepping stone path in the new garden area. The narrow grassy area between a pine tree and our flower beds that I am converting to other plants is progressing well this summer. It is currently a compost area for grass clippings, pine needles, and leaves. The hostas that I planted last spring in the area are doing well. I celebrated the milestone of putting done the first two stepping stones that will lead from the patio to the yard through the area.

No tax day for school supplies/clothes. Both my husband and I intentionally made some purchases on Missouri’s no tax weekend for school supplies/clothes…celebrating the annual starting of a new school year. He got 2 pair of jeans and I got some packs of card stock: black and bright colors.

Registering/starting a class at the university. I am celebrating being back in a university classroom after more than 40 years. It feels good!

Multiple types of fungus on a stump in a neighbor’s yard. The stump is deterioating rapidly now. I’m celebrating that there are interesting fungi doing the work.

The Paris Olympics. Celebrating the efforts and sportsmanship of the athletics…seeing their dedication and joy.

Friends of the Library Volunteering

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I enjoy volunteering for the Friends of the Library used books/puzzles sale. Last week it was at the branch closest to where I live. I volunteered twice: at the preview sale for people in the Friends of the Library group and then the morning of the $3/bag on the last day of sale. I took some pictures of the tables of books just before we opened the doors for the preview sale.

There were a lot of books that left the building on both days and I was glad since this is the main way Friends raises money to support special programs at the library. I was handling the cash box on the first afternoon and then straightened books remaining as the morning progressed on the $3 bag day (so many books are being sold that the tables look messy quickly). Both days were 2 hours well spent from my perspective – the $ raised and the great social interactions; the other volunteers are always helpful and I’m beginning to recognize repeat customers.

I got a total of 6 puzzles for my dad, a big cookie pan/cookbook, and 3 children’s books….and a FOL t-shirt which helps me look like a volunteer rather than someone that is a neatnik shopper! There is one more sale before the end of the year and I’ll try to help with set up for that one. The main day of the sale conflicts with a required Missouri Master Naturalist field trip.  

Sustaining Elder Care – August 2024

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One of my sisters is taking an extended road trip this month, so the 3 of us still around are adjusting so that one of use sees my dad every day. The real crunch will come later this month when another sister will be out of town for a week. It’s a good thing the assisted living home seems relatively calm at this point and dad is getting morning walks, puzzle time, and eating as well as usual.

He likes puzzles with fewer pieces now (up to 500…rarely one with 1000 if there are a lot of clues in the puzzle and the pieces are not too small). I had one puzzle that I took during my first visit this month and there will be an opportunity to buy used puzzles before I go later in the month. We are also starting through some of the puzzles he did months ago; his memory is such that he doesn’t remember them from before…they are a good challenge all over again.

His doctor has taken him off all the supplements he had been taking for years because they were causing him digestive problems. It was more difficult for him to swallow them now too. He gets the equivalent of a multivitamin as a liquid (purchased in powder form and taken mixed with water); he is feeling much better after the change.

Another change that is occurring – he appears to have developed ingrown toenails for the first time in his life. Fortunately, the assisted living has a podiatrist that comes periodically. We are scurrying to buy some open toed shoes for the day after the ingrown toenails are resolved.

The plants one of my sisters planted around the back porch area of the house had required daily watering – which we were all doing as part of our visit with dad – but the house sprinkler system has been fixed and we only need to water on days that it doesn’t run now.

We are beginning to feel that we have a routine that works for us and my dad (and the staff at the assisted living home) although we are very conscious that the routine will need to be tweaked as his needs change.

Sustaining Elder Care – May 2024

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Since my last ‘sustaining elder care’ post, I have been to Dallas twice and am acknowledging that maybe my plan to drive down once a month is not going to work. Two times a month is becoming my more realistic plan.

Now that the days are longer, I can visit in the afternoon on the day I drive down and again in the morning before I drive back to Missouri. My dad is the only morning person in his assisted living group home so visiting him in the morning is prime one-on-one time. He frequently has a ‘first breakfast’ before anyone else is awake (about the time I arrive) and then eats again with everyone else. Between the two light meals we can take a walk around the block or maybe further if his stamina increases; in the summer, the morning walk might be his only walk of the day.

One of the challenges right now is that my dad tends to lose track of his reading glasses (he needs them to work on puzzles). My sister has brought a supply but hopefully some of them will show up again. While we were working on the puzzle during my morning visit, he did it without glasses! He seemed to enjoy the challenge of working from the shape of the piece entirely – and he was successful plenty of times.

I bought 10 more puzzles at the $3/bag day at my Missouri library’s used books (and puzzles) sale. What a bargain! One of them was a duplicate but it still was a good deal! We started the beach and lighthouse puzzle in the upper left corner of the picture below during my first visit in May.

There has been some upheaval at the assisted living home – the lead staff member being reassigned to another home and some leadership being rotated in from other homes – the company searching for a permanent replacement. There is also a new resident in a room near my dad’s. So far, he seems to be unperturbed by the changes, but my sisters and I are thinking more about what our plan would be if something went very wrong at the home where he is.

Previous Elder Care posts

Ten Little Celebrations – April 2024

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April 2024 has been even more full of little celebrations than usual; it was challenging to choose the top 10!

Traveling with my daughter. Taking a road trip to Dallas (a familiar trek) is quite different when my daughter to with me. We start the driving a bit later and, this time, we stopped in Joplin on the way home for lunch. I celebrated the time in the car…the great conversation.

The life of a cousin. It was bittersweet to go to the funeral of a cousin that was younger than me…but it was clearly a celebration of her life.

20 puzzles for $2 each. The Friends of the Library book sale in my county included puzzles and I celebrated getting 20 of them for my dad and the other residents at his assisted living group home. I also celebrated a return to volunteering - helping with the book sale.

iPhone 15 Pro Max. Getting a new phone is always cause to celebrate….even though I started out a little anxious that it would a little challenging to go from my old Android phone to an iPhone; it was a pleasant surprise to realize it was pretty easy. The only downside was the reduced functionality of the Windows phone link app for text messages; that issue was resolved as soon as I transitioned to a Mac later in the month.

MacBook Air 15”. More new technology I am celebrating; it only took about 24 hours for me to become a fan of the Mac after using Intel-based machines since the 1980s.

Irises. The plants bloomed all at once. In one bed the stalks were too tall for them to remain standing to I cut them to enjoy indoors – celebrated the buds opening all along the stems.

14 ducklings. Seeing Mom Mallard with her ducklings is a great celebration of spring.

Solar Eclipse. So glad we made the effort to position ourselves to see a 2nd solar eclipse (the 1st for me was in 2017). It’s a phenomenon rare enough to be a celebration.

Belted Kingfisher. Celebrating a bird I didn’t expect to see around our neighborhood pond.

Kite and Pinata Festival. The botanical garden is a great place for outdoor celebrations like this.

Sustaining Elder Care – April 2024

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2-day trips to Dallas have become the norm for me. I leave early from home, visit my dad immediately after I get to Dallas in the early afternoon and take care of any other business thereafter…then stay in a hotel overnight and drive home the next day. Now that the days are getting longer, perhaps I might visit him a second time in the morning before I head home although the assisted living group home is not ‘early.’ I probably would not want to arrive for a visit before 10 AM.

Dad still enjoys going out to eat and we are exploring more places nearby.

The warmer weather is great for walks. We have discovered that he does better with a four-wheeled walker than the two-wheeled one. The rough pavement makes it very hard to use the two-wheeled one. His balance is much improved holding onto the four-wheeled walker and he walks at a pace that is more like the way he walked prior to using a walker.

He has decided that 500 pieces puzzles are usually too hard…and he wants bigger pieces. I got 10 puzzles for $20 at the library’s used books (and puzzles) sale; knowing what they have is one of the benefits of volunteering for setup. Most of the puzzles I got have 300 pieces and I am hopefull my dad and others at the group home will enjoy putting them together. I picked ones with bright colors too – although that wasn’t a requirement from my dad.

One of my sisters and her husband took my dad to her home to see the eclipse on the 8th. Unfortunately, he didn’t understand what was happening and kept asking where he was. It was a learning experience for our family – we will continue to enjoy taking him out to lunch occasionally but be very careful not to overwhelm him with more complex events away from his assisted living home.

I had thought I would be able to get down to one visit per month…but so far that hasn’t happened.

Previous Elder Care posts

Volunteering Again

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My first volunteering since moving to Missouri happened last weekend – helping set up a Friends of the Library in Christian County, Missouri book sale near where I live. I was part of the first wave of the set up so the first task was setting up the long folding tables around the edges and down the middle of the large space. There was one that seemed a little rickety and we quickly realized that it was not stable enough to load with books; it went back in the storage closet with a label that it was broken.

The boxes of donated books had been stored in a shed at the library and JROTC from the local high school loaded them onto a trailer and brought them over to our building. Fortunately the boxes were labeled well enough that we could aggregate them on the tables where the contents would be displayed. None of the volunteers with older backs (me included) had to lift any book boxes!

There were a large number of donated puzzles and I started emptying boxes and making a display that spread over two long tables. It seems that there were more puzzles than last year; maybe people are donating puzzles they bought during COVID. My goal was to get at least a small picture of the puzzle and the number pieces showing for each one. Most of the puzzles ended up in towers or standing on end.

It was a great way to spend a Saturday morning and I hope Friends of the Library make $$ from the sale that formally begins today.

Fall Activities

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September is the beginning of fall activities. I am doing some fall cleaning inside the house and doing the last plantings in the yard (hoping the plants will be well established before the first frost). The Indian Corn is on the front door.

There are more events scheduled in our area now that the temperatures are a bit cooler. We trekked to Shaw Nature Reserve near St. Louis for their plant sale, bought puzzles at the Friends of the Greene County Library book sale, and walked through Cider Days in Springfield (enjoyed a Pineapple Whip as we walked…being part of a Saturday morning crowd) then enjoyed a BBQ lunch as a new place. My daughter went to an evening Brew at the Zoo; my husband and I enjoyed it vicariously – learning that the lions and other big cats were very active as it got dark…the lions ‘caroling.’ Toward the end of the month, my husband and I made a quick trip to St. Louis – another visit to the Missouri Botanical Garden (and their Chihuly glass) and the Sophia M. Sachs Butterfly House….blog posts coming soon re that adventure.

And we are anticipating more travel in the next few months (other than the monthly week in Texas) – a fall foliage trip to a state park in Oklahoma…a birding festival in New Mexico. Overall, fall is a great time of year to be out and about – between the heat of summer and the cold of winter; it is often the ‘just right’ season of the year!

More Used Puzzles

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The county just north of where I live is more populous and their Friends of the Library sale was a lot larger – held in a building of the county fairgrounds. They filled the large building with tables loaded mostly with books but there were some CDs and a few puzzles/board games. I bought the best of the 500-piece puzzles to take to my parents – 17 boxes that contained 28 puzzles…for the bargain total of $52! I was grateful that my husband went with me to help get them into bags…through checkout…and into the car. I’ll be taking them to Carrollton in a few days….adding them to the stack I created last month (probably a little reduced with my parents finishing some of them). They enjoy having lots of puzzles to choose from!

In the 1990s, I went to used books sales…and staggered out with so many books I could hardly lift my bags. But now I am not tempted. I read eBooks…and for things like planning travel, I do searches to get the most current information rather than buy dated books. It felt a little strange to go to a large used book sale and buy nothing at all. My husband was not tempted either.

Collecting Puzzles

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One of my parents’ favorite challenges is a new puzzle. That dominoes into a challenge for my sisters and I to keep them supplied! August has been a good month for collecting puzzles after they completed the previous pile (i.e. ran out of puzzles they had not done before)!

One of my sisters ordered 3 from eBay. They like the 500 piece puzzles the best but appreciate an ‘easy’ one (300 piece) occasionally.

I bought 5 puzzles when I had a coupon that got the price down to about $8 each. There are two 1,000-piece puzzles in this group which could be hard for them but there are a lot of helpful clues in the map puzzles. They’ve enjoyed this brand of puzzles previously.

My daughter visited the Gateway National Park in St. Louis and bought a puzzle for her grandparents. It is an unusual one: the box is triangular, and the pieces have a back and front (i.e. it is two puzzles in one…Gateway Arch views from the Mississippi at night and from the city during the day). There are 500 pieces...hopefully not too challenging.

My local library branch had a Friends of the Library sale that included puzzles! I bought 12. They were $2 each….a good deal! There are two more sales this fall that are close enough to me; I’ll be collecting enough puzzles to keep them busy until April when the next sale is scheduled!