Dried hydrangeas

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My daughter let me cut the last three flowers on her Asian hydrangea bush last October (see post here). They lasted a long time in a vase on the windowsill in my office. About the time I headed to Texas in mid-November, I put the flowers into separate vases with no water to enable the flowers to dry.

When I returned home, the flowers were nicely dried with most of the petals still blue! I took some high key images of the best one – where the petals stayed relatively flat rather than wilting/curling.

This is a great way to prolong the flowers of fall into winter. I wonder how long the color will last….

Yard Work – January 2024

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Normally I don’t do much yard work in January but I was away from home for the last mowing of leaves in November so that was my project for the first warmish day after I was back in Missouri; I mowed the areas with thick leaves when the high temperature for the day was less than 50 degrees Fahrenheit. After that I began to worry that there wasn’t going to be a day warm enough to plant some of the bulbs my sister dug up for me from my parents’ yard.

Then it happened. It was in the forties again, but the sun was bright. Before I started my project, I walked around my yard to assess the plants in the flowerbeds. There must have been an early hard freeze because all the crape myrtles have leaves on the stems – no time for them to turn and fall. The same thing might have happened to the rose bushes too. Next spring there might be a lot of dead twigs to cut out of those plants. On the bright side, there were several plants – including the hens and chicks – that appear to be handling the temperatures very well.

I used the wagon to carry the pots of spider lily bulbs around to the front of the house. They were going to become a ‘ruff’ around the base of our two red maples. I had put mulch around the base last spring, so it was relatively easy to dig a rig near the outer edge of the mulch and then plant the bulbs. It only took one pot for each tree; I still have one pot of those bulbs to plant at my daughters.

I hope I get another warmish day to plant the iris rhizomes and a rock rose….but first I need to decide where I am going to plant them!

First Snow of the Winter

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I was home for a bit of snow last week; I don’t know that it was the first of the season overall…but it was the first for me! It started by covering the deck and railing…the cover of the gas grill.

I was hopefully that it would cover the tennis court so I could try out walking a pattern there…but it didn’t stick to the court since the temperatures before the snow had been significantly warmer. I’ll have to wait for another snow event. I used my camera zoom to photograph snow caught in the holly branches.

I celebrated being home for the snow!

Glad to be Home

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As I write this, I have been home again for a week after being away almost 7 weeks. It had taken this long to get settle back into an at-home routine….to relax enough to feel truly rested! At first, I felt so exhausted that I took naps – which didn’t seem to help. It took me 5 days to fully empty my car. I needed the alone time after being so engaged with people all the time; I didn’t want to talk on the phone at all…had to force myself to check my text message. My emotions were still volatile, and I consciously started trying to unwind. Cutting back on caffeine, getting more exercise and quick neighborhood hikes (even though it was cold outside) finally worked.

It’s such a joy to just be home. I’ve enjoyed returning to spending more time just being in my house…cooking, reading, writing, making Zentangle tiles, and planning one or two vacation travels for the next 6 months. I pampered myself included burning a scented candle I’ve had for years, a facial (using supplies from a Christmas gift), hot apple cider rooibos tea, big red peppermint stick, and pumpkin oatmeal cookie bars.

As the days passed, I fell myself recovering…although there are some aspects of the past 7 weeks that might be a permanent change. I’ve learned more about how I deal with stress --- holding off its effects until the crisis is ‘over’ --- and then requiring time to recover. It is a strategy and provided enough resilience, but I might need to bolster by stress reduction techniques in preparation for the next crisis; more self-care during a crisis might make recovery easier (or unneeded).

I’ll be taking off for another trip to Carrollton TX soon, but the trip will be only 6 days this time! Much easier!

My Parents’ House

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Once the decision was made in mid-December with my parents to move to an assisted living group home, I found myself examining the house that that had called home for more than 30 years – the last home they would own…the only one that didn’t still have a mortgage when they moved. The contents documented the whole of their lives.

The creation of the garden room not long after they moved into the house was a project that added more than space to the house.

The space was lined with house plants (some that had grown quite large) and had great light. The jigsaw puzzle table was there…a rocker and glide…and a transport chair that was easily maneuvered into a sunny spot to observe birds outside at the feeder or read the paper. The glide, puzzle table, and transport chair were moved to the assisted living group home.

The large plant in the foreground of the picture with the transport chair is one that grew up into the skylight of the garden room over the decades. My sister had brought it home from her work when an office closed. It bloomed in December (something it had done rarely over the years)…to the joy of my parents and the whole family. My sister has now managed to move it (in a U-Haul truck) to her house about an hour away; we were all relieved that it survived the trek intact.

A clay pot that another sister made was in the corner of my parents bedroom holding a collection of peacock feathers and dried seed pod/flowers….a suncatcher. My mother selected it as something to move with her – perhaps because of the memories of each item and the vase itself. Peacock feathers are special in my family because my maternal grandparents kept peacocks in their later years.

Back in the garden room a small poinsettia purchased recently sat on the windowsill. The second image is my favorite artsy image of December 2023! The pot was small enough for the windowsill at the assisted living group home so it moved with my parents.

We are now in the phase of sifted though everything in the house….taking a little more to my parents, distributing items to family members and my parents’ friends, donating some items….recycling and trash are the last resort. There are ups and downs to the work. It is giving us time to internalize the pivot point in my parents’ lives (and our own).

Last Sunrise of 2023

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I was in my parents’ house alone on the last day of 2023. They had already moved to assisted living (more on that in the monthly ‘ramping up elder care’ post coming soon) and the first round of distribution of the furniture had occurred: to their new home, to the rest of the family. It felt odd to be there without them and without the jumble of possessions that had been there for over 30 years. The beauty of the sunrise changed the trajectory of my mood for the better!

I loved the color caught in the line of trees visible from the backyard. I took several zoomed images. I think the last one is my favorite.

It occurred to me that the prettiest sunrises are not the ones the occur on a clear morning…it takes some clouds to catch/reflect the light. Maybe that is a good analogy for life too – that complexity and challenge make life better!

123 Years Ago

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One of my grandfathers was born 123 years ago today. He died in the mid-70s…the first of my grandparents to be born…and the first to die. I find myself thinking about him and my other grandparents every year on his birthday; somehow it was the easiest of my grandparents’ birthdays to remember. The last one died in 2010.

As I’ve been thinking a lot about elder care recently, I’m realizing that only one of my grandparents died at home; two of them died in a hospital and the other one died in a rest home. Two of them lived with my mom and dad as they got older (my siblings and I were in the same house during the early years); the other two benefited from adult children that lived nearby. They were all the first generation to benefit from Social Security.

As I think of myself growing older, I realize that what happened with my grandparents…and now my parents…is a model of possibilities for my own future as an elderly person.

Another thread thinking about my grandparents…recognizing a different perspective of history and how it impacted them – or not. None of them got the 1918 flu….none fought in World War II. They lived in small towns or farms; the Great Depression did not cause them food shortages. The big elements of history impacted them but not as significantly as many other people.

Only one graduated from high school. The others barely got an elementary education. They could all read…newspapers and magazines, some books. They successfully managed their own financies. Both grandfathers ‘retired’ early but continued to be very active either with part time jobs or building up the family home place.

Overall – the family history is full of memories to savor…realizing that they light my path into the future too.  

My Favorite Photographs from 2023

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Photography is something I enjoy frequently (one of those hobbies that pop up almost daily!). I’ve picked 2 photos from each month of 2023 for this post. Picking favorites is always a bit of a challenge; looking at the collection as I write this post I realize some were chosen for the light

  • A heron in morning light

  • A backlit dandelion

  • High key image of iris…and then a turkey using the same technique

…some for the subject

  • The busy fox squirrel

  • Two insects in one flower

  • The egret struggling to control a fish

  • The feet of the American Coot

…some because they prompted a strong memory of the place.

  • Driftwood at Hagerman National Wildlife Refuge

  • Sculpture in the Sophia M. Sachs Butterfly House Garden in St. Louis

  • Metal iris and sunrise at my parents’ house

  • Geese on the snow and ice in my neighborhood in Missouri

  • Cairn as the Mizumoto Japanese Stroll Garden in Springfield, MO

  • A flower blooming in December at Josey Ranch Park in Carrollton, TX

Enjoy the mosaic of images (click to see a larger version).

Savoring a Holiday

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December has always been full of celebrations in my family – a birthday, an anniversary, the holidays. We are thinking back at all those celebrations this year as we savor the last one with my parents in their own home. To avoid exhausting/overwhelming my parents, we have extended the celebrations with family members coming to visit over the entire month rather than what had been our tradition in years past (large gatherings with huge amounts of food). They eat small meals now…but we’ve tried to include special foods from years past – eggnog, roast, turkey, Waldorf salad, cherry pie….maybe some mincemeat with  ice cream rather than a pie.

When my sisters and I were young, my parents allowed us to open a Christmas present each day between the birthday and Christmas. The new things on Christmas morning were from Santa. My maternal grandmother was the one that did the desserts and breads that I remember most from my childhood…raisin buns, kolaches…too a lesser extent cobblers and pies.

In the late 1980s, me and my sister shared the news that we were both pregnant with the first grandchildren in December. The babies were born a week apart the next year and I travelled to Maryland that December with my daughter (her first time on a plane). My grandmother was still making the holiday desserts!

My grandmother died in December 2010…but had given up cooking a few years before when her eyesight began to fade. Our holiday food has never been the same since; we don’t eat special breads anymore. I’ve tried kolaches from several bakeries, but they are never as good as the ones she made; compared to her soft bread around a large fruit center (apricot and cherry were my favorites), the bakery ones always seem more like hockey pucks.

As children grew up, the types of gifts changed too. In my family, gifts are now trending toward ‘experiences’ rather than ‘stuff.’

One of my sisters and I have given up putting up a tree in the past few years – opting for other decorations like wreaths and ornaments/cards from years past displayed in creative ways. None of us send cards anymore. One sister is having the big gathering her family on New Years this year because of work schedules!

But – we are all enjoying the daily small joys with my parents this December. We are all where we want and need to be.

Merry Christmas to all!

Food Adventures with Elderly Parents

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This past month has required more creativity with food than any time I can remember.

My parent that was in the hospital in mid-November, came home requiring thickened liquids because of a challenge swallowing. We must put thickening powder in everything. Initially, the change in texture was so off putting that the food consumed was far below the amount needed to sustain weight. We began adding a mass building powder to the liquids as well and succeeded well enough to stop the weight loss.

We quickly learned to make the liquids in bottles and jars with lids that could be shaken to thoroughly mix the powder into the liquid. Another lesson learned: water, milk, and coffee were not going to be consumed anymore because they evidently tasted horrible thickened. We shifted to juices and Gatorade.

Mason jars worked well for the during the day; smaller (plastic) reused juice/Gatorade bottles for at night. The other parent is drinking more Gatorade now too.

The other dietary recommendation after the hospital was to reduce sodium. They were already using Mrs. Dash (no salt) for seasoning but we became more focused on choosing lower sodium options at the grocery store – turkey bacon rather than the usual, no more hot dogs or ham. Canned soups are probably not going to be on the menu either; homemade soups thickened with finely chopped veggies don’t seem to work very well either so we are still searching for how to prepare hearty winter soups that are appetizing. Plain hamburger patties with condiments on the side are one success story.

We discovered that they both prefer simpler food and one of them does not like leafy greens under other food. They used to like cheesy eggs or toast…now they want the eggs on their own…toast with butter or apple butter (my sister bought a special apple butter that is a new favorite). Their 2 favorite breakfasts are oatmeal (we add protein powder in the bowl…they select the other additions: butter, brown sugar, raisins, cranraisins, dates, walnuts) and over easy eggs with turkey bacon. Apple sauce with cottage cheese might be ok….as long as  there is had a dab of the apple butter in the mix.


My sister and I are experimenting….trying to adjust to their changing tastes. Having some fun with it and laughing at the things we try that don’t work.

Chia seed pudding (trying to find foods that are thickened with something other than the powder) was an example of a good try…but not something we’ll do again!

Drive Thru Holiday Lights (Vicariously)

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My husband and daughter drove through two light displays recently and sent me pictures --- another chance for me to enjoy the Springfield, MO area’s holiday decorations vicariously.

Candy Cane Lane at Rutledge-Wilson Farm Park can be experienced as a regular light display or with special glasses that make points of light into candy canes! My daughter is bringing the glasses she purchased when she comes to visit before Christmas; it will be fun to see how they work with the lights on the wreath and reindeer in my parents’ house.

Ozark’s Festival of Lights at Finley River Park is becoming a family tradition. We drove through it last year too. Kudos to Ozark for continuing the display.

Sustaining Myself in the Caregiving Role

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I left my home in Missouri on November 15th and have been learning to be the caregiver my parents need at this point in their lives until my sisters and I can transition them to a new living situation that will meet their needs into the future. Now that it has been more than a month, I realize that some of my strategies developed during my career to reduce my stress and maintain my overall mental health are still serving me well:

  • Writing about something stressful as a way of letting it go…moving from anxiety to acceptance for things that cannot be changed.

  • Creating a little work of art every day (Zentangle)…focusing totally on it for the short time it takes to create it…a break from everything else going on.

  • Continuing a daily blog post that not only documents my journey…but produces something separate from the caregiving part of the day

I have discovered that little things that remind me that my other life still exists and is waiting for me to return are important to me – a telephone call with my daughter or husband (they have both been very supportive)….a walk outdoors even if it is just for a few minutes…photography. At the same time, finding bits of time for these activities can be a challenge. There is a similarity to caring for a young child: nap times for them become ‘me time’!

As I write this post, I am realizing that I am not fully sustaining myself for an indefinite period of caregiving and neither is my sister that is sharing caregiving with me. We are not as sleep deprived as we were during the hospitalization but we are not storing up reserves either; when little things go awry we are instantly feeling the stress of the situation and consciously staying focused exclusively on what our parents need.  We already have started the process to change my parents’ living situation in January that will shift much of the care giving role to assisted living staff; our interactions with our parents will shift to frequent visits and shared activities. We are preparing ourselves and them for the transition.

Holiday Decorations

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This December is going to be a unique one for me…away from home….focused on other priorities…somewhat stressed by the situation. I am savoring the decorations two of my sisters arranged at my parents’ house:

The wreath on the door…

The reindeer and poinsettias on the mantle…

The big wreath on the wall…

These are all decorations that have been used in previous years…associated with pleasant memories of past Decembers, prompting us to prepare for celebrating an anniversary, a birthday, and Christmas that are all part of our family celebrations in December. The month has always be an emotional high…and this year there is the overlay of realizing that it is probably the last one for my parents in this house.

New in 2023

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It’s December already…time to think back on 2023 about what was different about the year. This is a way to acknowledge the ‘new normal’ during the year before I start thinking about the tweaks I want to make intentionally in 2024.

  • I honed my diet slightly.

  • Making a slurry of 1 tablespoon of chia seeds every morning to drink as I swallow my daily vitamin/supplements reduced the dryness of my skin. The change got off to a rocky start; the package listed 2 tablespoons as the serving size and I got nose bleeds two days in a row (and I hadn’t had a nosebleed otherwise since I was a child!) after a week of that serving daily. With a little research, I discovered that 2 tablespoons is way too much Omega-3 oil to get every day!

  • I have recently started added a teaspoon of spirulina to my chia seed slurry on some mornings…continuing my preference to get nutrition from my diet rather than pills. It is a different mix of nutrients that my usual diet…makes up for maybe not getting enough leafy greens every day. The powder is a very pretty color too (I am thinking about swirling it on top of vanilla ice cream next St. Patrick’s day!).

  • Hemp oil is great on popcorn….replacing butter. This is my strategy for making my favorite light meal even healthier! The oil has both Omega-3 and Omega-6 oil. So far I haven’t overdosed on Omega-3 again (no nosebleeds) but I might skip some chia seed on some days. The only downside of hemp oil from my perspective is that I must remember to keep in in the refrigerator.

I signed up late in the season with a Community Supported Agriculture farm in Springfield. It was a learning experience and continued my journey of finding fresher veggies that are available in the grocery store although I probably won’t continue (farm too far from my house to pick up my share, delivery fees, spoiled by the CSA in Maryland). The veggie that both my daughter and I enjoyed the most from the CSA was arugula….far better tasting and more durable in the refrigerator than can be purchased in the grocery store. I am considering setting up tables with growing trays and grow lights in my basement to grow my own crop!

I started listening to more music this year…finding artists on YouTube then using Apple Music. My favorites at the end of the year:

  • Brooklyn Duo

  • The Boys of County Nashville (Celtic Tribute to Metallica)

  • Low Strung

A lot more time in Carrollton, Texas. Just before the COVID-19 pandemic, I had started going to Carrollton more frequently to help my parents. The pandemic interrupted that plan until we were vaccinated. By the beginning of 2023 I had established a rhythm of being in Carrollton a week out of every month. That pattern changed in November 2023 when the hospitalization of one of my parents caused my sisters and I to recognized that they needed someone with them all the time. This December is going to be a huge transition time for them and for us. The end of 2023 is a first in another dimension for me: the longest time I have been away from my home since I traveled with Up With People in my junior year of high school.

2023 was my first full year living in Missouri. So much to explore! In 2023, we made first visits (and some seconds) to places close to Springfield and around St. Louis. And there is a lot more of the state to see!

Gardens Aglow Vicariously

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I am in Carrollton, Texas this December working with my sisters as we increase the daily assistance for my parents. It is going to be a very different December this year. The yearly tradition (started last year…our first December after moving to the Springfield MO area) of walking through the Springfield Botanical Gardens Gardens Aglow display will be a vicarious one for me this year. My husband and daughter did the walk last week and sent pictures.

It was a drizzly night so they both just used their phones rather than more expensive cameras. There were not many people walking the garden (probably because it was wet) so the pictures don’t have as many silhouettes of people as we had last year. The pictures put me in a holiday mood….even while I accept – even savor - that I am where I need to be, doing what I need to do here in Carrollton this December.

Ten Little Celebrations – November 2023

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November has been a more emotional month that usual…there are some little celebrations on my list for the month that seem normal….but others that reflect the rapid changes occurring with one of my parents.

90+ birthday. Both of my parents are approaching their mid-90s and my family tries to celebrate each birthday (realizing that it could be the last). The one that happened in November was celebrated over 3 days to avoid exhausting them both. I got to be there for all three days since I stay in their home when I am in Carrollton.

Birds at the feeder (after we unclogged them). I unclogged bird feeders at both Carrollton and my home in Missouri…celebrated when the birds quickly discovered that the seed was available again.

A cool sunny day. I had grass and leaves to mow…celebrated the sunny afternoon that was not too cold for the activity. It was one of the most enjoyable mowing experiences of the season!

Twigs burned/millet planted. I had other yard work to accomplish as part of fall clean up in my yard and there was an excellent day to get it done. I burned the accumulated twigs (savoring the heat produced) and put the millet seed heads in strategic places so that (maybe) plants will grow next summer. My husband helped me store all the tools that had been out under the deck for quick access during the summer. We both celebrated the completion of our preparations for winter.

A good nap today. I drove from Missouri to Carrollton the day after my parent entered the hospital and immediately went to the hospital to stay with them overnight. My sister arrived the next morning to spend the next 24 hours helping the parent in the hospitals and I managed to drive to my parents’ house….and celebrated another sister being there to fix lunch so that I could nap. I went completely to sleep…got a full 90 minute sleep cycle in 100 minutes….celebrated feeling so much better afterward.

Bluebird at Josey Ranch. Seeing the bluebird at Josey Ranch was a boost to my mental outlook. I celebrated that I was savvy enough to know that nature often does that for me…and to stop at Josey Ranch on my way from the hospital to my parents’ house.

A parent coming home from the hospital. The sunrise I noticed at the hospital was a good start on the day my parent was projected to come home from the hospital. I celebrated the beauty at the beginning of the day…glad that the homecoming occurred later in the day.

The home health nurse coming for a 1st visit. I celebrated that we got a visit from the home health nurse on the Friday after Thanksgiving (i.e. we didn’t have to wait for the week after Thanksgiving)!

The time I have with my parents now….being in the present. I celebrate the time I am having with both parents now. Appreciating joys in every day shared with them.

Thanksgiving. The holiday was very different this year. I spent it with my parents and having various family bring special foods throughout the weekend rather than one huge meal. Gratitude is integrated with all my other emotions right now…and I celebrate that it is. It makes everything else easier.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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I had big plans for Thanksgiving at my home in Missouri – sharing a meal with my daughter and son-in-law. The planned menu was: pumpkin soup, balsamic vinaigrette baked chicken, sauteed green beans with sesame seeds, spicy cornbread (with cheese and whole kernel corn), apple cranberry crisp. With everyone contributing some part of the feast (but all cooked in my kitchen).

But the plan was overtaken by the reality of a parent in a Texas hospital and them coming home just in time for the holiday. The change has only made my thanksgiving more profound this year; I am thankful that my parent survived a near death event more than a decade ago – there are so many wonderful shared memories of those years! And we’ll savor whatever new memories we can make this Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to us all.

Ramping up Elder Care – November 2023 (update)

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My sisters and I thought we had time to learn about various options at a comfortable pace and then ramp up support for our parents in a targeted way over the next few months. We ordered two cameras to install in their home and made appointments to meet with two service providers for the next time I was in Carrollton – but that plan changed quickly when one of my parents entered the hospital.

I went to Carrollton early - entering 24-hour rotations with one of my sisters to support my parent in the hospital. My other two sisters and my daughter handled things at my parents’ house (it is traumatic for two elderly people married over 70 years to be separated for even short periods).

We learned a lot during the hospitalization about changes we need to make to avoid aspiration of liquid into the lungs (i.e. thickening of ALL liquids to honey consistency is now required). Previously some liquids had been thickened to a lesser amount (nectar) but water was unthickened….and now even that will have to be thickened. But – the reward is no coughing while (and after) eating or drinking!!!!

Small anomalies can make big impacts…low potassium and dehydration were two that our parent experienced. And the associated weakness/dizziness curtailed almost all physical activity for a little over 24 hours which required some slow increase of activity on the following days to get back to ‘normal’…and maybe that was a ‘new normal’ that was a little reduced from the prior normal.

Two cameras were installed and we used them along with virtual meetings to help our parents talk to each between physical visits. We decided a third camera would be worthwhile, so it was ordered.

We quickly established a contingency sleeping arrangement in case the hospitalized parent required more support at night immediately after coming home from the hospital.  The room includes a twin bed with plenty of room for a caregiver to move around….and for extra equipment. We are anticipating that ambulation will need to be monitored/supported (i.e. a belt around our parent … a caregiver with a hand on it) during their recuperation until we are sure the fall risk is minimal.

As I write this, our parent is still in the hospital but due to go home within 24 hours. We hope we have ramped up our support plan sufficiently.

Stay tuned for the next installment of Ramping up Elder Care!

Previous posts: November 2023

Bringing Fall Foliage Indoors

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I found a small oak and a maple growing in my flowerbed…cut them since they can’t grow large there. They were colorful so I put them in a kombucha jar on one of my office tables and have been enjoying them for the past week or so.

The oak was the largest of the two small trees and the leaves were a variety of colors. It is probably a child of the oak in our neighbor’s yard – maybe planted in our flower bed by a squirrel.

The oaks in our neighborhood retain their leaves longer than many other trees nearby…so maybe this young one will last longer indoors too.

The red maple seedling made an interesting macro image from above! It is smaller and more delicate than the oak…but the topmost leaves continued to grow after I cut it!

The maples in our yard have already lost their leaves but the small one indoors is still photogenic!

Our Missouri Neighborhood – November 2023

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I am planning to do a lot more walks around my neighborhood – get some quality outdoor time/exercise…maybe even what the Garmin calls ‘intensity minutes’. I’ll take a small camera with me…just in case I spot anything interesting. My daughter called me just as I was heading out so I didn’t photograph the great blue heron that was in a sunny spot at the edge of the pond; I just watched until it flew away while I talked to her.

I did some power walking almost to the furthest bridge before I stopped to photograph some oak leaves that had caught in the grass at the edge of the pond. The tree still had quite a few leaves to drop!

The willow seems to still have mostly green leaves!

A little further along there was debris on the walk; looking closer I realized it was seeds rather than leaves!

Even though the temperature was only about 40 degrees. The sunshine must have made the bank warm enough for a turtle to leave the water.

After I got to the other end of the ponds, I noticed a lot of maple leaves had fallen in the drainage channel and the grass along the path.

A short length of sidewalk on my route was almost covered with pine needles. I enjoyed photographing some cones that had fallen as well.

There was a stump at one end of the row of pines that must have been cut several years ago – maybe before we moved to the neighborhood. The color of the pine needles stands out against the gray of the wood and the powdery green of lichen/moss.  

A big plus – I accumulated 29 intensity minutes!