Ramping up Elder Care – March 2024 (1)

/

A lot has happened in the last few weeks, so I am going to write 2 ‘ramping up elder care’ posts in March. In my mid-February post, I wrote “Are we through the bend…or is more to come before we settle into the new normal?” We were already getting accustomed to my parents’ house being sold…but we were also anxious with my dad testing positive for COVID. My mother tested positive a few days after he did….and died suddenly  few days later after being in the hospital for about 2 hours. So - the bend in my family’s collective life path is continuing into March.

My mother’s funeral was on the 1st. Dad was pleased with his appearance for the funeral; one of the assisted living staff helped him get into his suit (which he had not worn for a few years --- the last time was to a granddaughter’s wedding)…found another shirt so the neck would button and he could wear a tie! My sisters and I alternated being with him during the visitation and service. He seemed to enjoy my slide-by-slide narration of the pictures of Mother’s life from a young child to a few days before she died at 92. He also liked the limo. He did not like seeing Mother in the casket…thought it didn’t look like her even though he acknowledged that it was. He looked a few times then seemed to prefer watching the slideshow.

 My dad is grieving but very engaged with the reconfiguration of his living area at the assisted living group home. We started setting expectations a few days before the funeral so he would not be surprised when the furniture moves started to happen and it helped him internalize that mother was not coming back. The bed my mother has been using was one provided by the assisted living home and it was removed while we were at the funeral. We were all relieved that he didn’t seem traumatized that it was gone.   He is talking more than usual (he previously has always deferred to mother) ….and is more opinionated about how he would like things arranged. My sisters and I are spending more time with him, and the staff is very helpful. The staff has figured out that a small serving of ice cream is a great treat for him…and smooths out rough emotional times. So far – he seems to be surprising us with how well he is navigating his ‘new normal’ without his partner for over 71 years.

My dad’s reactions have been so positive that my sisters and I have already cleared away most of my mother’s belongings. It was a good time for us to talk to each other and him….noting some of the clothes she had worn for years…and others that were almost new…and trying out ideas for where furniture would be moved.

I don’t know for sure that we are at a new normal yet. We are with him more than usual…just to be sure he is OK. So far…he seems to be.

A few last pictures from my parents back yard the day before we closed on the 28th:

One of the neighbors asked the new owner if he could cut the narcissus and daffodil flowers from the yard to bring to the funeral….and the new owner said yes!

One of the neighbors asked the new owner if he could cut the narcissus and daffodil flowers from the yard to bring to the funeral….and the new owner said yes!

Previous posts: November 2023, November 2023 update, December 2023, January 2024, February 2024

Zentangle® – February 2024

/

February was a stressful month. The pile of tiles I selected these 29 from was finished before the death of my mother. At the end of March….I’ll look at what might be different about the before and after tiles. As I write this post, I am still in the stage of being preoccupied and cycling through various stages of grief; when I think I have reached  level of acceptance, I find myself thinking ‘oh mom would enjoy hearing/seeing this’ before I consciously remind myself that she is gone; I am realizing that my subconscious is churning away and interfering with my ability to focus too.

The square tiles this month are made on the usual neon colored card stock. Most of the time I can make patterns on both sides of the tile…unless I use the thicker pens and the color bleeds through.

The rectangular tiles are a mix of recycled light weight cardboard from cat food boxes (light brown), the wider tiles that are textured stationery from my dad’s business over 30 years ago that I found in his office when we cleaned it out, and the pale yellow/green 3x5 cards are also from his office (he carried them in his shirt pocket for notes….and then stopped about 5 years ago).

The past few months have re-enforced my self-knowledge that making a Zentangle tile (or two or three…) every day helps me through stressful times.

--

The Zentangle® Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It was created by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. “Zentangle” is a registered trademark of Zentangle, Inc. Learn more at zentangle.com.

Ten Little Celebrations – February 2024

/

I am always a little surprised at how easy it is to record something I celebrated every day…and how it is sometimes hard to pick the top 10 near the end of the month. The habit probably has helped me be more resilient to whatever is not going well….and appreciative of how fortunate I am.

A warm day to get the naked lady bulbs and iris rhizomes planted – Actually there were two Feburary days that were warm enough; I used one for planting in my yard and another for planting in my daughters.

Getting a full price offer on my Parents house – This was another double celebration since the offer and the closing happened in February.

Earl Grey tea – I seem to forget how much I like it…then celebrate rediscovering it.

Home again – After the many weeks away late in 2023, I find myself celebrating each and every time I arrive back home.

Out to lunch with my parents – I celebrated that they both were enthusiastic about going and that they ate well at the restaurant for lunch….and wanted their leftovers for dinner!

Snow suitable for patterns – Making patterns in the snow has been a treat this winter….celebrating my second attempt that benefited from my prior experience and the snow being wet (made the pattern I walked stand out more).

Pintails. I celebrated the picture of a pintail at Hagerman….one of my best so far this year.

Married life – Being married for over 51 years is something I often take for granted but, for some reason, I found myself celebrating more this month – that wasn’t even my annual anniversary. Having the long term relationship…a person that I know well, and that knows me well…is fundamental to the way I feel about just about everything else.

Port Aransas Whooping Crane Festival – Celebrating our first multi-day festival since COVID…more on our experiences in upcoming blog posts.

Parents’ house ready for new owner – Lots of coordination with my sisters…and physical work…celebrating that we got everything cleaned out before closing.

Transition Trips to Carrollton TX

/

I’ve now made two trips to Texas since the beginning of the year and am planning a third. They are very different than before my parents moved to an assisted living group home.

  • I am not staying at their home. On the first trip, I stayed at a hotel relatively close to their group home. The second trip I stayed with my niece. The hotel turned out to be high stress because the deadbolt on my room was jammed (i.e. the chain was the only extra locking on the door). Staying with my niece was low stress for me but probably high stress for her.

  • Visits with my parents were short…not 24/7 like previously. I anticipated that change…but it still feels odd…like I am missing a lot. At the same time, I am much less anxious about how they are doing when me or my sisters are not there.

  • My sisters and I worked to get the house cleaned out and listed for sale. This is the first time I’ve been guiding the sale of a house that is not my own…and I am glad that the technology is there to allow for me to do part of it remotely. We got 2 full price offers on the 1st day it was on the market and have accepted one of them. We still have the garage and storage sheds to clear. We have the milestone of the closing by the end of the month. There is still the physical and emotional work of cleaning out items collected over my parents’ lives that they no longer need. The unseasonably warm weather has helped.

  • I stopped at Hagerman once…went to Josey Ranch twice…but didn’t spend as much time there. I stopped at a greenway park I hadn’t noticed before on the second trip. The places I get out into nature in Texas are going to be changing to parks closer to where my parents are living now…in Dallas rather than Carrollton.

  • We had joked about observing the 4/8 eclipse from my parents’ driveway…but the house will that theirs by that time. I am realizing how many family events centered on the location over the past 30+ years. It will feel strange to not go there anymore.

The transition is happening so quickly with their move to assisted living in early January and the sale of their home finalized at the end of February. It is hard emotionally and physically, but it is also not a prolonged agony. My sisters and I are looking forward to a new normal in March!

Glad to be Home

/

As I write this, I have been home again for a week after being away almost 7 weeks. It had taken this long to get settle back into an at-home routine….to relax enough to feel truly rested! At first, I felt so exhausted that I took naps – which didn’t seem to help. It took me 5 days to fully empty my car. I needed the alone time after being so engaged with people all the time; I didn’t want to talk on the phone at all…had to force myself to check my text message. My emotions were still volatile, and I consciously started trying to unwind. Cutting back on caffeine, getting more exercise and quick neighborhood hikes (even though it was cold outside) finally worked.

It’s such a joy to just be home. I’ve enjoyed returning to spending more time just being in my house…cooking, reading, writing, making Zentangle tiles, and planning one or two vacation travels for the next 6 months. I pampered myself included burning a scented candle I’ve had for years, a facial (using supplies from a Christmas gift), hot apple cider rooibos tea, big red peppermint stick, and pumpkin oatmeal cookie bars.

As the days passed, I fell myself recovering…although there are some aspects of the past 7 weeks that might be a permanent change. I’ve learned more about how I deal with stress --- holding off its effects until the crisis is ‘over’ --- and then requiring time to recover. It is a strategy and provided enough resilience, but I might need to bolster by stress reduction techniques in preparation for the next crisis; more self-care during a crisis might make recovery easier (or unneeded).

I’ll be taking off for another trip to Carrollton TX soon, but the trip will be only 6 days this time! Much easier!

Anticipated Changes in 2024

/

I don’t make resolutions anymore – but I do think about what I anticipate being different in the coming year.

Some changes are anticipated by situations I already recognize:

My parents are now in an assisted living group home rather than their own home. I will still travel to the Dallas are visit them at least monthly as I have for the past few years, but the trips will take 2 days rather than 8.

There will be a flurry of activity to see the total eclipse on April 8th. It could be a day trip if the weather is good or a three-day trip to someplace where the skies are clear.

My husband and I are ready to start attending birding festivals again…secure enough in the mostly outdoor venues and able to mask for the short times in crowded/enclosed spaces. We’ve registered for one in February already (the one we registered for last December was overcome by my need to stay in Carrollton).

A flurry of appointments with various doctors since I put off appointments for the last months of 2023.

Memberships to the zoo and a big cat sanctuary we got as gifts….motivating us to visit those places more frequently.

Other changes are about intention…and have the closest relationship to annual ‘resolutions:’

I intend to get intensity minutes (as measured by my Garmin watch) from ‘power walking’ in my neighborhood during the times I am not mowing the yard (and getting intensity minutes that way).

My husband suggested some core strengthening exercises to help my back (which aches too often). Maybe it will help me ‘shape up’ in other ways too.

I will donate, recycle, or trash items that I don’t need. Moving my parents to assisted living has prompted me to downsize stuff more than ever before! I am thinking more about what I truly need and/or value rather than just letting items accumulate over time.

Ramping up Elder Care – January 2024

/

A lot has happened since I wrote the December chapter of ‘Ramping up Elder Care.’ The assisted living group home we initially found ended up not having space…so we looked at several others and settled on one that was probably better than the one we found in their neighborhood in every way but the location. When we took our parents to see their new home the day before the move, one was optimistic…the other one was silent but attentive.

The focused activity was intense to get them moved just before the end of 2023. Our strategy to have a night time caregiver in their home during December and then move them to assisted living worked….but it was more challenging that we anticipated.

  • The nightly caregivers were not consistent; we had over 5 people that handled the overnight shift during the month. Almost all of them slept for part of the night. One was very talkative. One was not very helpful. One got sick and had to leave early.

  • We opted to have two rooms for them in the assisted living group home – one for sleeping and the other for a private living room. It seems to be working well – better than having one larger room. There are 6 other people living in the assisted living group home.

  • Our parents had a lot of clothes that had accumulated over the years. Some no longer fit but one of them insisted that most were moved to assisted living.

  • There were a lot of toiletries. We opted to not take any that had dust on them! It was a harder than expected job to pack up what they would need.

  • My dad had to transition from a safety razor to an electric….which he hated.

  • My mother only began to stabilize on her meds toward the end of the month. For a few days we thought we might have to continue to give her two of her medications rather than transitioning those medications to the assisted living facility staff but it stabilized just before the big move. Physically, she made progress with the help of an excellent occupational therapist and the suggestion from a physical therapist to try massage boots for the edema in her feet and lower legs (OK’d by her vascular surgeon)

  • We celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary with special visits from family members and great food for the whole week before the move. It was joyous…but also stressful to get the visits scheduled at good times for everyone and to eat all the excellent leftovers!

  • One sister handled financies, another handled medical transition, another focused on evaluating what would need to be done with the contents of the house and sheds; I focused on my parents’ needs since I was in the house with them those last few weeks. Everyone helped pack up what needed to go on moving day….and it was still chaotic and stressful.

  • In retrospect…moving on the Friday before a holiday weekend was not the best decision because the staffing at the assisted living was reduced over the weekend and they had no time to learn to supply thickened liquids required by one of our parents (so we ended up supplying them for the weekend).

And now, as I write this, I am home in Missouri….monitoring via the cameras we’ve installed in their rooms at the assisted living but otherwise trying not to interfere as they get acclimated to their new surroundings.

The next stage is getting their house ready to sell. I’ll be back in Carrollton in mid-January for that project; hopefully I’ll be rested and ready to work by then! And my parents will be adjusted to the big move from their home to the assisted living group home.

Previous posts: November 2023, November 2023 update, December 2023

Zentangle® – December 2023

/

Happy New Year 2024!

31 days in December –31 Zentangle tiles selected from the 75 created during the month. I was in Carrollton for the whole month so these were made in the quiet times during, sometimes intense, elder care; their create were welcomed islands of calm. I found myself reverting to ‘thickets’ again and again!

I left my scanner at home so the images were created with photos made with my phone…not as tidy as the scanned images of prior months but it was the best I could do when it came time to do this post!

--

The Zentangle® Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It was created by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. “Zentangle” is a registered trademark of Zentangle, Inc. Learn more at zentangle.com.

Savoring a Holiday

/

December has always been full of celebrations in my family – a birthday, an anniversary, the holidays. We are thinking back at all those celebrations this year as we savor the last one with my parents in their own home. To avoid exhausting/overwhelming my parents, we have extended the celebrations with family members coming to visit over the entire month rather than what had been our tradition in years past (large gatherings with huge amounts of food). They eat small meals now…but we’ve tried to include special foods from years past – eggnog, roast, turkey, Waldorf salad, cherry pie….maybe some mincemeat with  ice cream rather than a pie.

When my sisters and I were young, my parents allowed us to open a Christmas present each day between the birthday and Christmas. The new things on Christmas morning were from Santa. My maternal grandmother was the one that did the desserts and breads that I remember most from my childhood…raisin buns, kolaches…too a lesser extent cobblers and pies.

In the late 1980s, me and my sister shared the news that we were both pregnant with the first grandchildren in December. The babies were born a week apart the next year and I travelled to Maryland that December with my daughter (her first time on a plane). My grandmother was still making the holiday desserts!

My grandmother died in December 2010…but had given up cooking a few years before when her eyesight began to fade. Our holiday food has never been the same since; we don’t eat special breads anymore. I’ve tried kolaches from several bakeries, but they are never as good as the ones she made; compared to her soft bread around a large fruit center (apricot and cherry were my favorites), the bakery ones always seem more like hockey pucks.

As children grew up, the types of gifts changed too. In my family, gifts are now trending toward ‘experiences’ rather than ‘stuff.’

One of my sisters and I have given up putting up a tree in the past few years – opting for other decorations like wreaths and ornaments/cards from years past displayed in creative ways. None of us send cards anymore. One sister is having the big gathering her family on New Years this year because of work schedules!

But – we are all enjoying the daily small joys with my parents this December. We are all where we want and need to be.

Merry Christmas to all!

A Big Birthday

/

I am celebrating a decadal birthday this year but haven’t made time to consider how I want to celebrate the event (my family has been asking). The default has become a series of whims….

  • Thoroughly enjoying some big candy canes (couldn’t find the peppermint barber poles that I bought every year until the past decade or so…the candy canes were close enough…rediscovering that I like peppermint candy better than chocolate!).

  • Going out for brunch during one of my breaks from elder care. It was a pleasant surprise to discover that the café had a special birthday pancakes meal. That was what I ordered, of course. Afterwards I walked around the pond at Josey Ranch photographing birds. The weather was sunny and cool. It was a perfect break from my focus on elder care.

  • My daughter is coming down from Missouri for the actual day. I’ve sent another list of stuff to bring from home. She will bring a gourmet cherry pie – which I will enjoy and so will my parents (a good rationale for pie over cake).

My husband had proposed a total tech refresh – new phone and laptop – but I turned that down at the time. Now I am rethinking that decision…but while I am away from home is no time to make tech changes and work through the transitions. The ‘big gifts’ will have to wait.

Sustaining Myself in the Caregiving Role

/

I left my home in Missouri on November 15th and have been learning to be the caregiver my parents need at this point in their lives until my sisters and I can transition them to a new living situation that will meet their needs into the future. Now that it has been more than a month, I realize that some of my strategies developed during my career to reduce my stress and maintain my overall mental health are still serving me well:

  • Writing about something stressful as a way of letting it go…moving from anxiety to acceptance for things that cannot be changed.

  • Creating a little work of art every day (Zentangle)…focusing totally on it for the short time it takes to create it…a break from everything else going on.

  • Continuing a daily blog post that not only documents my journey…but produces something separate from the caregiving part of the day

I have discovered that little things that remind me that my other life still exists and is waiting for me to return are important to me – a telephone call with my daughter or husband (they have both been very supportive)….a walk outdoors even if it is just for a few minutes…photography. At the same time, finding bits of time for these activities can be a challenge. There is a similarity to caring for a young child: nap times for them become ‘me time’!

As I write this post, I am realizing that I am not fully sustaining myself for an indefinite period of caregiving and neither is my sister that is sharing caregiving with me. We are not as sleep deprived as we were during the hospitalization but we are not storing up reserves either; when little things go awry we are instantly feeling the stress of the situation and consciously staying focused exclusively on what our parents need.  We already have started the process to change my parents’ living situation in January that will shift much of the care giving role to assisted living staff; our interactions with our parents will shift to frequent visits and shared activities. We are preparing ourselves and them for the transition.

Ramping up Elder Care – December 2024

/

My parent came home from the hospital the Wednesday before Thanksgiving...still requiring a lot of care at night which fell to me since I was staying in their house. Both me and my sister remained almost as sleep deprived as when we were alternating 24-hour stints at the hospital! We quickly realized that the strategy that had worked for the caring of our 90+ year old parents over the past few years was not going to work going forward…and the ‘new normal’ we had scrambled to established could not be sustained.

Even sleep deprived – I acknowledged there were magical moments and the joy of not being in the hospital anymore. I appreciated little things like the gentle glow of warm-colored night lights and the full moon shining through a skylight…and every bit of fractured sleep I could get.

Even sleep deprived – I acknowledged there were magical moments and the joy of not being in the hospital anymore. I appreciated little things like the gentle glow of warm-colored night lights and the full moon shining through a skylight…and every bit of fractured sleep I could get.

Before the hospitalization I had made appointments to interview companies that provide in-home caregivers and to visit an assisted living group home. We managed to keep those appointments and decided to contract for a caregiver at night for the month of December; that relieved our sleep deprivation and gave us a few weeks to decide on the ‘next step.’

Our experience with caregivers has been mostly positive but we quickly realized that there would be at least 3 people involved to cover the 7 days each week. So far 2 have not worked out: one that slept through most of the night and another that one parent disliked (strongly). We realized that the care givers rarely work with their peers (so no cross training or collaboration on unusual situations) and supervision was not apparent. The role of the company they work for seems to be primarily scheduling of services. And the services are expensive.

It has enables us to sleep through the night but the days have been fraught with home health appointmentss (nurse visits, physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, virtual doctor visits). There have been two medication changes – both with positive results. My sister and I have gotten very efficient at preparing thickened liquids and appropriately elevating the hospital bed to avoid aspiration of fluid in the lungs of our parent that was hospitalized. Other upheavals have piled on too: Carrollton’s replacement of a sewer line at the edge of the property, a plumbing problem that caused the only bathroom in the house with a door wide enough for a walker to get through to be unusable for about 24 hours, required fall yard maintenance, Thanksgiving celebration…and preparation for Christmas. There is always something that needs to be done that we can’t quite find time to do.

We researched assisted living options…at first thinking that they would be a back up plan but deciding that they should be the 1st choice based on our experience by early December and that the form that would probably be more suited for my parents would be a group home rather than a larger facility. We found one that had been created in a renovated house in their neighborhood for 6 people. We visited the facility and liked it. They had 1 opening at the time. Then they told us that there would be a second opening by the end of December (one of the residents being moved to a facility with a higher level of care) and that the largest room (the one that had been the master bedroom in the original house) was going to be available. We started the application process.

The initial discussion about assisted living and the specific place we were looking at seriously went as expected. One agreed to keep an open mind…the other had a visceral reaction and didn’t want to consider any other option than staying in the house they have lived in for 33 years. We scheduled a visit to the assisted living home…hoping that we could encourage both  parents to be in information gathering mode and ask a lot of questions.

The day of the tour arrived…one parent had already decided that assisted living was the way to go, the other was still thinking it was not. Neither asked questions on the tour but looked around eagerly. One was completely exhausted by the outing but confirmed their idea that moving was best. The other became convinced (and upset) that they were going to be losing the house they called home for 33 years and moving to the assisted living place.

We are proceeding with the process toward assisted living. There are many ways that it could fall apart…but as I write this post we are on track…planning to make the move in January.

Stay tuned for our continuing journey ramping up elder care….

Previous posts: November 2023, November 2023 update

New in 2023

/

It’s December already…time to think back on 2023 about what was different about the year. This is a way to acknowledge the ‘new normal’ during the year before I start thinking about the tweaks I want to make intentionally in 2024.

  • I honed my diet slightly.

  • Making a slurry of 1 tablespoon of chia seeds every morning to drink as I swallow my daily vitamin/supplements reduced the dryness of my skin. The change got off to a rocky start; the package listed 2 tablespoons as the serving size and I got nose bleeds two days in a row (and I hadn’t had a nosebleed otherwise since I was a child!) after a week of that serving daily. With a little research, I discovered that 2 tablespoons is way too much Omega-3 oil to get every day!

  • I have recently started added a teaspoon of spirulina to my chia seed slurry on some mornings…continuing my preference to get nutrition from my diet rather than pills. It is a different mix of nutrients that my usual diet…makes up for maybe not getting enough leafy greens every day. The powder is a very pretty color too (I am thinking about swirling it on top of vanilla ice cream next St. Patrick’s day!).

  • Hemp oil is great on popcorn….replacing butter. This is my strategy for making my favorite light meal even healthier! The oil has both Omega-3 and Omega-6 oil. So far I haven’t overdosed on Omega-3 again (no nosebleeds) but I might skip some chia seed on some days. The only downside of hemp oil from my perspective is that I must remember to keep in in the refrigerator.

I signed up late in the season with a Community Supported Agriculture farm in Springfield. It was a learning experience and continued my journey of finding fresher veggies that are available in the grocery store although I probably won’t continue (farm too far from my house to pick up my share, delivery fees, spoiled by the CSA in Maryland). The veggie that both my daughter and I enjoyed the most from the CSA was arugula….far better tasting and more durable in the refrigerator than can be purchased in the grocery store. I am considering setting up tables with growing trays and grow lights in my basement to grow my own crop!

I started listening to more music this year…finding artists on YouTube then using Apple Music. My favorites at the end of the year:

  • Brooklyn Duo

  • The Boys of County Nashville (Celtic Tribute to Metallica)

  • Low Strung

A lot more time in Carrollton, Texas. Just before the COVID-19 pandemic, I had started going to Carrollton more frequently to help my parents. The pandemic interrupted that plan until we were vaccinated. By the beginning of 2023 I had established a rhythm of being in Carrollton a week out of every month. That pattern changed in November 2023 when the hospitalization of one of my parents caused my sisters and I to recognized that they needed someone with them all the time. This December is going to be a huge transition time for them and for us. The end of 2023 is a first in another dimension for me: the longest time I have been away from my home since I traveled with Up With People in my junior year of high school.

2023 was my first full year living in Missouri. So much to explore! In 2023, we made first visits (and some seconds) to places close to Springfield and around St. Louis. And there is a lot more of the state to see!

Walk in the Carrollton Neighborhood

/

Getting out for a walk in the neighborhood was a treat during the routine of being with my parent in the hospital for 24 hours and then catching up on everything else (including sleep) for 24 hours…repeating. Even though I was exhausted, being outdoors in the crisp air was exhilarating; as always, I had my camera in hand to document what I noticed.

I didn’t get away from the house before I noticed the mini-mums in the front flowerbed and the oak leaves on the ground but held upright by the groundcover.

There was a flowerbed near the sidewalk a few blocks away that was full of ceramic yard art tucked into the plantings. The frog was my favorite.

I noticed that the city of Carrollton (Texas) has marked the drains along the street…indicating that the drains go straight to waterways (i.e. not treatment for contaminates).

There was a confused pear tree along the way – blooming in late November rather than waiting until the spring!

Refreshed and feeling less stressed…I returned to my parents’ house for a nap.

Zentangle® – November 2023

/

30 days in November – 30 Zentangle tiles. All except one of the tiles I selected this month were from my ‘thicket series’ – which started with a branching double string that created many smaller spaces (a ‘thicket’) with various ways of filling the string.

8 of the tiles were made while my parent was in the hospital…a way to fill the time and regain some calm with the focused activity of creating a tile.

I left my scanner at home so the images were created with photos made with my phone…not as tidy as the scanned images of prior months but it was the best I could do when it came time to do this post!

--

The Zentangle® Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It was created by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. “Zentangle” is a registered trademark of Zentangle, Inc. Learn more at zentangle.com.

Ten Little Celebrations – November 2023

/

November has been a more emotional month that usual…there are some little celebrations on my list for the month that seem normal….but others that reflect the rapid changes occurring with one of my parents.

90+ birthday. Both of my parents are approaching their mid-90s and my family tries to celebrate each birthday (realizing that it could be the last). The one that happened in November was celebrated over 3 days to avoid exhausting them both. I got to be there for all three days since I stay in their home when I am in Carrollton.

Birds at the feeder (after we unclogged them). I unclogged bird feeders at both Carrollton and my home in Missouri…celebrated when the birds quickly discovered that the seed was available again.

A cool sunny day. I had grass and leaves to mow…celebrated the sunny afternoon that was not too cold for the activity. It was one of the most enjoyable mowing experiences of the season!

Twigs burned/millet planted. I had other yard work to accomplish as part of fall clean up in my yard and there was an excellent day to get it done. I burned the accumulated twigs (savoring the heat produced) and put the millet seed heads in strategic places so that (maybe) plants will grow next summer. My husband helped me store all the tools that had been out under the deck for quick access during the summer. We both celebrated the completion of our preparations for winter.

A good nap today. I drove from Missouri to Carrollton the day after my parent entered the hospital and immediately went to the hospital to stay with them overnight. My sister arrived the next morning to spend the next 24 hours helping the parent in the hospitals and I managed to drive to my parents’ house….and celebrated another sister being there to fix lunch so that I could nap. I went completely to sleep…got a full 90 minute sleep cycle in 100 minutes….celebrated feeling so much better afterward.

Bluebird at Josey Ranch. Seeing the bluebird at Josey Ranch was a boost to my mental outlook. I celebrated that I was savvy enough to know that nature often does that for me…and to stop at Josey Ranch on my way from the hospital to my parents’ house.

A parent coming home from the hospital. The sunrise I noticed at the hospital was a good start on the day my parent was projected to come home from the hospital. I celebrated the beauty at the beginning of the day…glad that the homecoming occurred later in the day.

The home health nurse coming for a 1st visit. I celebrated that we got a visit from the home health nurse on the Friday after Thanksgiving (i.e. we didn’t have to wait for the week after Thanksgiving)!

The time I have with my parents now….being in the present. I celebrate the time I am having with both parents now. Appreciating joys in every day shared with them.

Thanksgiving. The holiday was very different this year. I spent it with my parents and having various family bring special foods throughout the weekend rather than one huge meal. Gratitude is integrated with all my other emotions right now…and I celebrate that it is. It makes everything else easier.

Hospital Thoughts

/

Supporting someone in the hospital is high stress…but there is a lot of waiting that allows for contemplation as well. The blog post is gleaned from those quiet times between flurries of activity/trauma when my parent was in the hospital.

Observing medical professions – techs of various kinds, nurses, doctors – is always a learning experience. Going into learning mode is a better way to engage than adversarial….and expressing appreciation helps everyone through a difficult time.

There is art in the most public areas of the hospital…and I always notice it…realize that I appreciate the snippets of beauty/uniqueness along the way in and out of the hospital that can, momentarily, distract me from the stress of the place.

The view from the hospital room is also a distraction. This time it included a helipad! My sister saw one land during the night (mostly heard it rather than saw it) but then I got to see one land the next afternoon. It was the big excitement of the afternoon…and that was a good thing.

Another view from the window included curves of the drive into the hospital and a major intersection near the hospital. The open area is  appreciated since the hospital itself is a cluster of buildings and parking garages. It’s a big place. I figured out my route to my parent’s room and didn’t deviate!

Along the walk to and from the closest parking garage, there is a wall that reminded me of a Zentangle mosaic….and I made quite a few tiles during the waiting time at the hospital.

The up and down of the day at the hospital always seems more extreme that a normal day. I found that I never quite relaxed as much as I do during a normal day…but didn’t get any physically intense time….it was all mentally intense.

Ramping up Elder Care – November 2023 (update)

/

My sisters and I thought we had time to learn about various options at a comfortable pace and then ramp up support for our parents in a targeted way over the next few months. We ordered two cameras to install in their home and made appointments to meet with two service providers for the next time I was in Carrollton – but that plan changed quickly when one of my parents entered the hospital.

I went to Carrollton early - entering 24-hour rotations with one of my sisters to support my parent in the hospital. My other two sisters and my daughter handled things at my parents’ house (it is traumatic for two elderly people married over 70 years to be separated for even short periods).

We learned a lot during the hospitalization about changes we need to make to avoid aspiration of liquid into the lungs (i.e. thickening of ALL liquids to honey consistency is now required). Previously some liquids had been thickened to a lesser amount (nectar) but water was unthickened….and now even that will have to be thickened. But – the reward is no coughing while (and after) eating or drinking!!!!

Small anomalies can make big impacts…low potassium and dehydration were two that our parent experienced. And the associated weakness/dizziness curtailed almost all physical activity for a little over 24 hours which required some slow increase of activity on the following days to get back to ‘normal’…and maybe that was a ‘new normal’ that was a little reduced from the prior normal.

Two cameras were installed and we used them along with virtual meetings to help our parents talk to each between physical visits. We decided a third camera would be worthwhile, so it was ordered.

We quickly established a contingency sleeping arrangement in case the hospitalized parent required more support at night immediately after coming home from the hospital.  The room includes a twin bed with plenty of room for a caregiver to move around….and for extra equipment. We are anticipating that ambulation will need to be monitored/supported (i.e. a belt around our parent … a caregiver with a hand on it) during their recuperation until we are sure the fall risk is minimal.

As I write this, our parent is still in the hospital but due to go home within 24 hours. We hope we have ramped up our support plan sufficiently.

Stay tuned for the next installment of Ramping up Elder Care!

Previous posts: November 2023

Ramping up Elder Care – November 2023

/

My sisters and I realized earlier this month that we need to ramp up the support provided to my parents and the needs were quickly going to exceed what the 4 of us could provide. We had tweaked the situation over the past few years in significant ways: they no long drove themselves, their doctor/labs were mostly done in their home, one of us was with them every day providing at least one meal and their refrigerator/pantry was kept well stocked, there was always a pile of jigsaw puzzles, my dad carried a smartphone on his rambling walks so we could locate him (fortunately he never got lost), they both wore fall necklaces, and we set up a voice activated system for reminders/calls for help. They might not need someone with them 24/7…but we are seeing that it might not be that long before they do.

And so – a new adventure begins…

Our first action was to contact their doctor for a virtual meeting about ‘improving support to our parents.’ The doctor also brought a social worker to the meeting. We documented our observations…why we thought more was needed. It was a very productive meeting with some things we could do immediately (like adding some cameras to the home) and a list of services available in the community.

We started with the idea that we wanted to keep them in their own home with support from private care providers to supplement what we do but quickly realized that we should explore assisted living (particularly small, home-like facilities) as well.

Stay tuned for what we learn over the next month!

12 years of Blog Anniversary

/

This blog started in November 2011…just after I made the decision to retire. 12 years have certainly been full of new adventures…a satisfying mix of days that were challenging and full of activity … also plenty to savor and enjoy. The blog helped me document much of what happened.

Last year I documented the changes within the blog over the first 11 years so I won’t repeat that. The main change over the past year has been my more regular visits to Carrollton, TX that resulted in a monthly visits to Hagerman National Wildlife Refuge (near Sherman TX), observations in my parents’ yard, and the birds at a park in Carrollton….and subsequent blog posts. There were also 1st visits to many places close to where we moved in Missouri that became fodder for blog posts as well.

I am anticipating that the 13th year of the blog will document our return to attending birding festivals and include more posts about elder care…documenting the journey my sisters and I have with our parents.

Previous anniversary posts: 11th anniversary, 10th anniversary