Zentangle® – July 2024

I created 79 Zentangle tiles in July and chose 31 (one for each day of July to feature in this post). They are all square tiles this month and a mixture of recycled light weight cardboard and file folders. There were a few cut from card stock. I have a lot of materials for blank tiles in my house…and I am enjoying the variety of pens I have right now too.

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The Zentangle® Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It was created by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. “Zentangle” is a registered trademark of Zentangle, Inc. Learn more at zentangle.com.

Sustaining Elder Care – July 2024

A full month had passed since my visit to my father in June and I noticed that his situation seemed calmer this month although the staff at the assisted living home were stressed with acclimating 2 new residents and the further decline of another. It took them longer to answer the front doorbell on both of my visits, but on both days my dad’s room was clean, he was dressed in clean clothes, and he had just finished a meal.

Since I arrive in the afternoon, it was too hot for a walk outdoors. One of the staff members stopped by to tell me she had taken him in the morning just after breakfast. We finished a puzzle in the great room (he was very pleased since the easy parts had been done the day before and the remaining pieces were mostly the same color). Afterward we went into the back yard, and he sat in the shade while I watered the plants that my sister managed to transfer from his former home; they need to be watered daily in the hot Dallas summer; my mother’s miniature rose bush is blooming profusely. I put out his clothes for the next day. It seems 2 to 2.5 hours is the ideal duration for visits with him. When I left, he was going to take a nap.

The next morning, I got bitten by something (ants?) as I waited for a staff member to let me into the house (fortunately the welts disappeared quickly once I used my After Bite stick). The staff were evidently overwhelmed with helping another resident (or two); they left the door a little ajar so I could immediately take Dad for a walk. The temperature was still pleasant, and I was surprised at the pace Dad set; it is clear that he is walking regularly and had built up his stamina. We made it around the block in good time – but enough that whatever was keeping the staff busy had resolved by the time we got back. I encouraged my dad to drink some water and we started a new puzzle. It turned out to be harder than we anticipated, and we only got about 2/3 of the border done before we decided to take a break to water plants in the backyard. And he was worn out from those activities…ready for a nap before lunch!

My dad is visited by me or my sisters almost every day. We all put out clothes for him to wear the next day and (right now) water plants. If the weather permits, we take him for a walk. We work on a puzzle with him. There has been at least one instance where he has requested that a puzzle be framed for his wall – and participated in the process to get it ready for the frame. He seems to be settling into a comfortable pattern.

The newest challenge has been him getting cold and putting on a jacket when he is in his room. Evidently the thermostat for his part of the house is in the kitchen and when there is a lot of cooking happening there it gets hot enough to cause the air conditioner to come on. His room gets about 5 degrees cooler than the kitchen! The staff is aware of the issue and is monitor. We are also reminding him that it is warmer in the community room where the puzzle table and large recliners are located…but he seems to prefer the jacket and his room at least some of the time!

Previous Elder Care posts

Then and Now – Cars and Driving

The first car I remember well was in the 1960s – a small red Ford my father bought for my mother. It did not have air conditioning…or seat belts (it was before they became standard equipment in the later 1960s). The windows were opened/closed manually with a handle. There were no car seats for children either although my mother generally put my sisters and I in the back seat. I was the oldest so sometimes road in the front seat. It did have power steering and brakes…probably because my mother was not very good driving with a manual transmission. The car was the second for our household and was parked at the curb since my father’s car was parked in the one-car garage.

My father’s car did have air conditioning and was larger. He started buying new cars (Oldsmobile or Buick were his preferred make) almost every year in by 1963; my mother got to drive his older car and they traded in her car. Those cars had windows that opened and closed with a button. I remember the first car my father owned that had seatbelts because he had a serious accident in it; a truck sideswiped the car on the driver’s side and he always claimed that he would not have survived if he’d been wearing a seatbelt since he was pushed to the passenger side during the accident. It took several years before he started wearing seat belts consistently and even more years before he took his keys/locked his car when he parked it. I also remember my father’s first car that has radial tires in the late 1960s; the road noise was noticeably different.

Most of our road trips were to visit family members. My mother drove my sisters and I to visit her parents (aunt, uncles, cousins) at least once every summer. The trek was between Wichita Falls TX and Beggs OK and was a lot of 2 lane roads…often very curvy. We took food and drink with us…stopped at gasoline stations for the bathrooms (which were usually in bad shape). My mother was not a great driver…but she knew her limitations and never had an accident. She shared that when she first learned to drive, she tended to look at the front of the car when she was driving; my dad noticed shortly after they married and coached her to look further out – to become a more defensive driver.

I learned to drive in the two cars my parents were driving at the time (a large Oldsmobile and Buick) later in the 1960s. My driver’s ed class emphasized wearing seat belts and I convinced my whole family we needed to ‘buckle up’ consistently.  Both of my parents encouraged me to drive whenever I was in the car with them as soon as I got my learner’s permit; I got my driver’s license on my 16th birthday and became the designated driver for my younger sisters and my parents when I was available. I didn’t have my own car until after the 1960s.

Now – the car I drive is smaller – a plug-in hybrid (2017 Prius Prime). The air conditioning and heating has a thermostat rather than the 1960s switch controls. Perhaps the equivalent of the big Buicks and Oldsmobiles of the 1960s are the SUVs that are very popular now. The cruise control is adaptive. Many of the controls are digital rather than switches. The navigation system is a big improvement over a collection of paper maps or a road atlas kept in the car at all times. There are handy places to put drinks that were absent in the 1960s cars. My car has a hatch opening in the back rather than the enclosed trunk of the big 1960s cars; SUVs also have an opening in the back that connects to the interior of the car. The seatbelts (one unit lap and cross body) are more comfortable than the clunky lap belts and then clucky two-piece lap/shoulder belts of the 1960s. The bucket seats in front have more adjustments than the bench seats of the 1960s and the material covers are more durable. Cars frequently last for 100,000 miles or more now; that was very unusual in the 1960s.

Cars have improved a lot since the 1960s – in both function and durability - and driving is easier because of those improvements and the highway system that has matured (although it often needs maintenance). My frequent road trips would certainly be more challenging/less enjoyable in a 1960s car and on 1960s style roads!

Previous Then and Now posts

Library Adventures – June 2024

My most frequent interactions with my local library are digital…checking out Kindle books. In June, there were 3 interactions that were not digital at all!

The first one was volunteering at one of the branches with the Friends group used book sale. It was a smaller branch and was only a one-day event. I helped with the set-up the day before and then with the first hours of the $3/bag sale. There were quite a few people that stopped by and left with 1 or more bags of books and the Friends netted $295 from the day. My favorite was an elementary school aged boy that came in with his mom and picked out two bags of books; he was very pleased with his haul and shared that he might share some of them with his older brother.

The second interaction was an art class that was announced in the monthly library newsletter. It was free…held in the early evening…2 one-hour sessions over 2 weeks. It was scheduled in the branch library closest to where I live. I signed up. We made a color wheel the first session and then did shades of the same color (by adding white) on the same small canvas in the second.

I took a picture of the plate I used to mix the paint for the shades of ‘red’ in the second class.

The next day I made Zentangle patterns over the white space of the canvas (and into some of the painted areas as well).

The class was a good learning experience. 1) It was my first experience with acrylic paints…and I realized that I enjoy the pens and Zentangle too much to make time for paints! 2) Canvases are not smooth enough for pens. I used a Sharpie Ultra-Fine pen and it was hard to control the tip of the pen over the bumps of the canvas fibers.  3) A free class is a low-risk way to try something new!

The third interaction occurred when we had a form that required notarized signatures. My husband found out that the library had a notary so we took our form there and indeed the person at the desk was a notary – it was very easy!

 Positive interactions at the library….it’s more than just a place to check out books!

Gleanings of the Week Ending June 22, 2024

The items below were ‘the cream’ of the articles and websites I found this past week. Click on the light green text to look at the article.

Life in a heat dome: The American West is figuring out how to keep cool – Summer in US cities…strategies to mitigate the hotter temperatures caused by climate change.

Statins for heart disease prevention could be recommended for far fewer Americans if new risk equation is adopted – Not a lot of details in this article although I have suspected for some time that statins were being over-prescribed.

10 States Where the Gas Tax Is Highest – This post prompted me to compare gas taxes in the states I drive through to on my frequent road trips to Dallas (Missouri, Oklahoma, and Texas)…and the decision to always buy the tank of gas required in each direction in Oklahoma!

Creating a throw-away culture: How companies ingrained plastics in modern life – Aargh! Despite growing public pressure, companies increased their use of new plastic by 11% between 2018 and 2022!

What happens when you take too much caffeine - When we consume caffeine, it's quickly absorbed into our bloodstream, where it out-competes adenosine by preventing it from connecting to these receptors and doing its job to make us feel tired. This is why consuming caffeine can make us feel more awake and alert. Caffeine can also boost levels of other neurotransmitters like dopamine and adrenaline, which can make you feel more stimulated. Research has associated caffeine consumption with up to a 60% reduced risk of developing Alzheimer's. One explanation for this is that caffeine improves blood flow to the brain. While caffeine enters the gut quite quickly, its effects can take hours to wear off. Scientists recommend having your last 'dose' of caffeine eight hours and 48 minutes before you go to bed.

Why do 1 in 10 Americans get eczema? Is it too much salt? - Eczema, also known as atopic dermatitis, is a chronic disease that causes dry, itchy skin. It's one of the most common skin conditions, affecting more than 31 million people in the U.S., and one in 10 people will develop it at some point. It has become increasingly common in recent years, especially in industrialized countries, implicating environmental and lifestyle factors like diet.

A fierce battle is being fought in the soil beneath our feet – and the implications for global warming are huge - In some parts of the world, increased CO₂ means tiny bugs in the soil “hold onto” their phosphorus, making less available for trees.

Rock Art Found in This Saudi Arabian Cave Offers ‘Rare Glimpse’ Into Ancient Human Life – Sheep, ibex, and goats on the walls of a lava tube.

Depressive symptoms may hasten memory decline in older people – 16 years of data from 8,268 adults with an average age of 64. This study shows that the relationship between depression and poor memory cuts both ways, with depressive symptoms preceding memory decline and memory decline linked to subsequent depressive symptoms. So – interventions to reduce depressive symptoms might slow memory decline.

D-Day shipwrecks were a WW2 time capsule – now they are home to rich ocean-floor life – 80-year-old wrecks that line the coasts of Britain and France…reclaimed by sea life.

Sustaining Elder Care – May 2024

Since my last ‘sustaining elder care’ post, I have been to Dallas twice and am acknowledging that maybe my plan to drive down once a month is not going to work. Two times a month is becoming my more realistic plan.

Now that the days are longer, I can visit in the afternoon on the day I drive down and again in the morning before I drive back to Missouri. My dad is the only morning person in his assisted living group home so visiting him in the morning is prime one-on-one time. He frequently has a ‘first breakfast’ before anyone else is awake (about the time I arrive) and then eats again with everyone else. Between the two light meals we can take a walk around the block or maybe further if his stamina increases; in the summer, the morning walk might be his only walk of the day.

One of the challenges right now is that my dad tends to lose track of his reading glasses (he needs them to work on puzzles). My sister has brought a supply but hopefully some of them will show up again. While we were working on the puzzle during my morning visit, he did it without glasses! He seemed to enjoy the challenge of working from the shape of the piece entirely – and he was successful plenty of times.

I bought 10 more puzzles at the $3/bag day at my Missouri library’s used books (and puzzles) sale. What a bargain! One of them was a duplicate but it still was a good deal! We started the beach and lighthouse puzzle in the upper left corner of the picture below during my first visit in May.

There has been some upheaval at the assisted living home – the lead staff member being reassigned to another home and some leadership being rotated in from other homes – the company searching for a permanent replacement. There is also a new resident in a room near my dad’s. So far, he seems to be unperturbed by the changes, but my sisters and I are thinking more about what our plan would be if something went very wrong at the home where he is.

Previous Elder Care posts

Rhododendron

Our rhododendron bloomed profusely this year – no frost damaged buds like last year. The whole bush was covered with blooms. It started in mid-April and all the buds had opened by the first few days of May.

I couldn’t resist a round of macro shots. It was good experience with my new iPhone 15 Pro Max. I like the individual flowers, the flower clusters, the new growth – it is full of photographic opportunities. The bush seems to be growing a lot better this year too; maybe it has recovered from the big drought the summer we moved to Missouri.

Do rhododendrons make good cut flowers? I did a search and discovered that yes…to cut a cluster with some unopened buds and slit the end of the stalk to allow easier water uptake. I put the cluster in a wine glass my parents got for their 50th wedding anniversary from a couple they had met in college and remained friends through the years….savored the flowers in my office.  All the buds eventually opened just as they would have outdoors.

I also learned that sometimes rhododendron need to be pruned but it won’t be this year…and maybe for years to come. My bush is in a place where it can expand in almost every direction. I will probably cut more flower clusters next spring now that I know how well they last indoors and, I guess, that will be the extent of the ‘pruning’ done!

Then and Now – Family

In the 1960s, I was growing up in a large extended family. My mother had 8 siblings and my father, an only child, was close to his cousins. Most of our traveling was to visit family. By the time I was in elementary school, my parents had a second car, and my mother took us to her parents’ home for a week or so during the summer to see the aunt and uncles…continuously growing number of cousins. I remember my grandfather’s construction projects that included a covered patio/carport with a very long table and bench overlooking a large elm where he’d fashioned a table and benches to fit neatly around its large trunk. We ate every meal aside from breakfast outdoors! There was also a large barbeque pit with a huge grill and an oven built into the chimney. He built a fountain of natural stone near the garden…the swimming pool was a little further away. Prior to the swimming pool being built, he often found a river suitable for swimming for all the aunts and cousins….and he would do some fishing. I enjoyed one-on-one time with my maternal grandmother at her work (she owned/ran the mill); I remember her writing letters to one of her daughters that lived far away over a few days before deciding it was long enough and sending it off.

 My paternal grandparents moved to live near us in the late 50s, so I saw them very frequently – lots of good food, gardening, crocheting, sewing, dominoes and checkers. We saw my dad’s extended family at gatherings held at his paternal aunt’s house. I remember my great aunt had hollyhocks beside her porch. We visited his maternal aunts (and grandmother) that lived in the same town. I associate my great-grandmother with chocolate covered graham crackers and her daughters with plants (my grandmother had a number of plants that she received originally from her sisters).

The food was always plentiful and included veggies from the garden. The paternal side of the family also cooked Czech desserts (kolaches!).

Now the family is significantly smaller. I have 3 sisters and am the only one that lives further away; only 1 of my sisters has children so the number of cousins is small. My husband had 2 sisters, but they are already gone as is his extended family. My sisters and I are transitioning from a relationship that has be very focused on caring for our parents over the past few years – not yet settled into a new normal without our mother. I am not close to my cousins although I have been seeing 3 of them more frequently at funerals recently…realizing that we have in common our adjustment to life after long-lived parents die.

I drive from my home in Missouri to visit my dad near Dallas once or twice a month in his assisted living home. My daughter goes with me sometimes. One sister visits him almost daily. The other two visit once or twice a week when they are town. I try to see at least one of them when I visit Dad. Two of them have visited us in Missouri. We text each other frequently – mostly keeping each other informed about what is happening with Dad. There are infrequent emails, phone calls, or zoom meeting. I enjoy my access to a frequently updated cloud folder of great nephew pictures. The way we keep in touch when we are not together has changed significantly since the 1960s!

Food had changed as well. We seem to all have foods we are avoiding now (and the problematic foods are not the same!)…and desserts are not something we want as frequently. We tend to go to a restaurant for special occasions more often then eating at home.

Previous Then and Now posts

Zentangle® – April 2024

The end of the month and preparing to write this post reminded me that I needed to find the driver for my Epson V600 photo scanner to install on my MacBook Air. I found it easily enough and the install was uneventful…and I was pleased that it worked more reliably that the Windows driver on my old laptop!

As usual I had plenty of tiles to choose the 30 from for this month. It is easy to have a few blank tiles and a pen available all the time. I create most of the tiles in my office at home although this month one was made when I was traveling and eating alone…while I waited for my food. More were made in hotels in Dallas. Creating a Zentangle tile always provides an island of calm!

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The Zentangle® Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It was created by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. “Zentangle” is a registered trademark of Zentangle, Inc. Learn more at zentangle.com.

Then and Now – Universities

My parents prompted my goal to go to college; it was still in my future during the 1960s. At first there was only a vague idea of what universities were like. That begin to change when my mother went back to school so she could become a teacher when I was in junior high. I learned about required courses and textbooks and the library. My sisters and I were in the audience when she acted in a play as part of a drama class. I remember paging through a very thick book for a biology/life sciences class – relishing how much more it included beyond the encyclopedias and schoolbooks I had looked at before. When I started an insect collection for special credit before my sophomore year of high school, my mother took me to the campus bookstore and we bought special black straight pins for the project (there must have been a class at the university that required insect collection too). My collection impression my teacher so much that she asked to keep it!

I was also aware of the protests of the Vietnam War at universities in the 1960s via the news and now with protests of the war in Gaza also via the news. I never was on a campus when one of the more significant protests happened at either time of my life.

Now my perception of universities is based more on first-hand experience from the 1970s and early 1980s when my husband got his PhD and I got my masters, vicarious experience (again) from 2007 to 2019 when my daughter was at 3 universities for undergraduate through to PhD and post doc, my daughter being employed as a professor at a university now, and the prospect of a course each semester at the university beginning next fall taking advantage of the free tuition for citizens age 62 or older.

In the 1960s, the prospect of heading off to the university was all about continuation of my education…preparing for a career…getting the required credits toward a degree. Now, I’ll be taking courses because I am interested in the topic and not ‘for credit.’ Courses that offer field experience or labs will be my primary focus…things that I can’t get in an online format or from a book. The first course will likely be a field course identifying woody plants; the second might be geology course which includes field trips and a lab; the next one might be pottery making!

In the 1960s, I was oblivious to the administration of universities. In retrospect, there were a lot less non-faculty staff at universities in the 1960s. And those non-faculty people often get higher salaries than the faculty; they are largely responsible for the cost of university education increasing faster than costs in just about every other sector. And those non-faculty people make decisions about how funding cuts will be made so their ranks will never go down! How does bloat in a university’s administrative staff ever get trimmed?

It seems that universities are changing very slowly compared to the rest of society. There is a paradox of research that is often leading edge coming out of an organization that incorporates processes that are almost like hazing (qualifying exams for graduate students that are traditionally ‘failed’ the first time through…committees of other faculty members that review tenure track packages and provide negative feedback, sometimes not factual and sometimes personal rather than relevant to the position…minorities and women judged harshly).

The role of universities is not as clear now as it seemed to me in the 1960s. I’m not sure if that is true because I know more about them now or if they have not changed in the intervening years in ways that they should have.

Previous Then and Now posts

Sustaining Elder Care – April 2024

2-day trips to Dallas have become the norm for me. I leave early from home, visit my dad immediately after I get to Dallas in the early afternoon and take care of any other business thereafter…then stay in a hotel overnight and drive home the next day. Now that the days are getting longer, perhaps I might visit him a second time in the morning before I head home although the assisted living group home is not ‘early.’ I probably would not want to arrive for a visit before 10 AM.

Dad still enjoys going out to eat and we are exploring more places nearby.

The warmer weather is great for walks. We have discovered that he does better with a four-wheeled walker than the two-wheeled one. The rough pavement makes it very hard to use the two-wheeled one. His balance is much improved holding onto the four-wheeled walker and he walks at a pace that is more like the way he walked prior to using a walker.

He has decided that 500 pieces puzzles are usually too hard…and he wants bigger pieces. I got 10 puzzles for $20 at the library’s used books (and puzzles) sale; knowing what they have is one of the benefits of volunteering for setup. Most of the puzzles I got have 300 pieces and I am hopefull my dad and others at the group home will enjoy putting them together. I picked ones with bright colors too – although that wasn’t a requirement from my dad.

One of my sisters and her husband took my dad to her home to see the eclipse on the 8th. Unfortunately, he didn’t understand what was happening and kept asking where he was. It was a learning experience for our family – we will continue to enjoy taking him out to lunch occasionally but be very careful not to overwhelm him with more complex events away from his assisted living home.

I had thought I would be able to get down to one visit per month…but so far that hasn’t happened.

Previous Elder Care posts

Volunteering Again

My first volunteering since moving to Missouri happened last weekend – helping set up a Friends of the Library in Christian County, Missouri book sale near where I live. I was part of the first wave of the set up so the first task was setting up the long folding tables around the edges and down the middle of the large space. There was one that seemed a little rickety and we quickly realized that it was not stable enough to load with books; it went back in the storage closet with a label that it was broken.

The boxes of donated books had been stored in a shed at the library and JROTC from the local high school loaded them onto a trailer and brought them over to our building. Fortunately the boxes were labeled well enough that we could aggregate them on the tables where the contents would be displayed. None of the volunteers with older backs (me included) had to lift any book boxes!

There were a large number of donated puzzles and I started emptying boxes and making a display that spread over two long tables. It seems that there were more puzzles than last year; maybe people are donating puzzles they bought during COVID. My goal was to get at least a small picture of the puzzle and the number pieces showing for each one. Most of the puzzles ended up in towers or standing on end.

It was a great way to spend a Saturday morning and I hope Friends of the Library make $$ from the sale that formally begins today.

Then and Now: Groceries

In the 1960s, my mother did the grocery shopping for the family – usually going once a week.  I went with her occasionally but not often. She usually shopped while my sisters and I were in school. Her favorite grocery store was Safeway. I am now shopping at Walmart most of the time since it is the closest grocery store to me and once a week is still my goal. The hours my The Walmart is open from 6AM-11PM, 7 days a week; the hours grocery stores were open in the 1960s was a lot less than that and there were items they couldn’t sell on Sundays if they were open then (‘blue laws’ in Texas).

The carts were similar in design to the larger ones in most stores now although they were all metal (no plastic) and did not have seatbelts for young children. Most grocery stores now  have a few smaller carts along with the larger ones but I usually am buying enough that I get a large cart.

My mother always had a list that accumulated over the week; most of the time she made the additions to the list but as my sisters and I got old enough, we sometimes wrote in items. Now I use the OurGroceries app so that my husband and I can add items to the list from any of our devices and I use my phone when I am in the store rather than a piece of paper.

My mother only bought food at the grocery store…not toiletries or over-the-counter medications; those were purchased at a drug store which also included a pharmacy. I buy many non-groceries during my weekly shopping now; toiletries are frequently on the list, but I sometimes buy clothes or office supplies as well. It’s an advantage of shopping at Walmart rather than a grocery store. We still pick up our prescriptions at a CVS; the pharmacy at Walmart is not open at the time I usually shop (between 7 and 8:30 AM on Friday mornings).

At checkout, a cashier had to enter the price of each item on the register and the strip of paper that my mother was handed at the end only included the prices and the total. She paid with cash or wrote a check. Now I scan my purchases myself, use a credit card to pay for them, and get an itemized list that includes an abbreviated description of each item along with the total.

Mother’s purchases were put in brown paper bags by the cashier. Now the store provides single-use plastic bags; I’ve used my own bags for more than a decade (they are stronger, and I don’t have to take precautions to contain the single-use bags from littering and polluting the environment). I put my items into my bags after I scan them. All the refrigerator items go into an insulated bag and the remaining items are grouped into bags to make unloading easier once I get home (and to make sure bread, chips, and eggs are not damaged in transit).

There was a lot less plastic. Milk came only in cartons (waxed…not plastic coated) and juices and soft drinks came in glass. Canned foods were purchased frequently, and the cans were not lined with plastic. The produce section included mainly seasonal foods along with ones that could be easily stored/transported (like bananas). Broccoli was something we had periodically as a frozen vegetable, and it was packaged in a box rather than a plastic bag.  We enjoyed strawberries seasonally or frozen (in a box); now my husband likes the frozen ones (in a plastic bag) more than he likes fresh ones! Plastic is the dominate packaging now: jugs of milk, bottles of water/soft drinks/juice, bags of frozen veggies and fruit, robustly sealed meats, bags of snacks and fresh vegetables/fruits, jars of peanut butter. Sometimes there is an option to buy in class jars but most of the time there is no choice; the packaging is plastic.

The most common type of bread was white; my mother wanted ‘whole wheat’ and bought Roman Meal when she could find it. I buy Dave’s Sprouted organic bread….avoiding a lot of added chemicals that have been introduced over the years to keep bread from molding or otherwise ‘improving’ it in some way (‘improving’ is in quotes because many breads cross over into the ultra-processed realm with the additions that are quite common today).

Some of the brands are still around: Cambell’s, Nabisco, Kelloggs, Green Giant. I don’t buy them as often as my mother did…only Cambell’s Tomato Soup and Green Giant Niblets Corn for my husband.

There are a lot of products in the grocery store that were not available in the 1960s…most of them ultra-processed and they fill up whole aisles of the grocery store. It requires some willpower to steer clear of those (although it gets easier over time). On the healthier side, it is now easier to find international foods (salsas and tortillas, etc.) and things like boneless chicken breasts…a lot more options when it comes to pasta, sauces in glass jars, greens (kale and arugula were not in grocery stores in the 1960s), grains/seed (quinoa and chia are new…’chia pets’ were not introduced until the later 1970s), and no salt seasonings. There are now targeted foods for special diets; for example, milk that includes Lactaid for those that are lactose intolerant and protein shakes for diabetics or those dieting and concerned about getting adequate protein.

My mother was very conscious of nutritional guidelines; she had taken home economics courses in college. We had some form of protein at every meal along with fruits and vegetables and grains. Sugary items were only for special occasions. There were seasonal fresh foods, but she relied on canned goods more than we do now, particularly during the winter. Both sets of grandparents had big gardens and we enjoyed their bounty whenever we could – supplementing what was purchased at the grocery store; we knew how food was grown and a little of how it was preserved (canned) for later. Now we buy more fresh or frozen fruits and veggies rather than canned because they are readily available during the whole year. I also buy organic as much as I can….something that didn’t exist in the 1960s.

Groceries have changed significantly since the 1960s. Availability of healthy foods is probably better now – although it takes more attention/knowledge to avoid the ultra-processed foods that are often intermingled with the healthy food.

Previous Then and Now posts

Road trip with my daughter

My ‘new normal’ of making 2-day road trips to Dallas to see my dad was very different with my daughter coming with me. I’ve always liked making road trips with her because we get some long uninterrupted time to talk; this time it was 6-7 hours on the road each way. In the aftermath, I am thinking about ways it was different from my road trips on my own.

  • We were on the road about an hour later than usual; she is not quite as much a morning person as I am. I picked her up at her house just before 7 AM. It was a few minutes before sunrise – and I took a picture through the windshield of my car of the color behind the emerging foliage of her back yard.

  • We took my dad on a walk outdoors (cloudy but dry….warm enough to not need a jacket). It was my first time doing that but, now that the weather is warmer, a walk will be included in my visits unless it is raining. He was trying a new walker with 4 wheels instead of 2, so I was glad there were two of us just is case it didn’t work well for him – but he liked it and seemed to maneuver with it very well.

  • I got a suite rather than a single room at my usual hotel. It worked well for us.

  • She suggested another walk after we got to the hotel which I hadn’t done before…I’ll add that into my routine from now on as well.

  • The music for the drive was more varied…still mostly instrumental but we included some artists she suggested mixed with my usual selections.

  • I didn’t do any reading at the hotel as I usually do…we were still enjoying our conversation too much!

  • We stopped for lunch on the way home (she found the restaurant as we were nearing lunch time). When I am on my own, I make a quick rest stop around lunch time and then arrive home very hungry.

Our next road trip together will be for the upcoming solar eclipse. This time my husband will be with us…and do all the driving!

Sustaining Elder Care – March 2024

A recap: My sisters and I started our journey ramping up elder care back in November. At first we thought we were being proactive in our conversation about ‘next steps’ with my parents’ doctor….but, less than a week later, my mother was critically ill and in the hospital. I spent the next 7 weeks in Texas. My mother managed to recover enough to come home before Thanksgiving even though she needed a lot of support at home. We hired caregivers to assist her at night through December and moved my parents to an assisted living group home just before the new year. As we worked to get them settled into the assisted living routine, we started a surge of effort to get their house cleared and on the market; the sale was finalized at the end of February. Both parents responded favorably to assisted living and decided they wanted to go out to eat occasionally rather than having special meals via take out as we had done for them at their house. In mid-February, they became sick with COVID…my dad first; he got Paxlovid and was recovering. My mother tested positive a few days later; her doctor adjusted her meds and she got Paxlovid; at first her case seemed even less symptomatic than my dad’s; the staff at the group home thought her breathing was wheezy one afternoon (even though my mother did not think she was having breathing problems) and sent her to the hospital via ambulance; she died 2 hours later.

The last few weeks have been busy ones. We reconfigured my dad’s living space from two rooms down to one and are in the process adjusting the assets my mom and dad accumulated to support his long-term care. As I write this, I realize that we have already settled into a ‘sustaining’ rather than ‘ramping up’ mind set. It isn’t that we won’t evolve what we do based on my dad’s needs…but we have a framework that will stay the same: the assisted living group home…daily visits from family….out to eat several times a month…walking in the neighborhood when the weather is good. Right now, he is still adjusting to not having mom around all the time; she was there for him for over 71 years. We are grateful to the staff of the assisted living for their increased attention. He still has times when he looks lonely…but he is talking more than he did when mom was around to talk for him.

Going forward, my trips to Texas will be quick ones – drive down and visit with dad in the afternoon before I head to my hotel, drive home the next day. Sometimes I will visit with dad in the morning before I drive back. I have done 2 of these trips so far in March. My sisters are there more frequently because they live closer than I do – one is there almost every day, another comes 2-3 times per week, another once or twice a week. Along with taking him out to eat, we put out his clothes for the next day, work on a puzzle with him, accompany him on a walk, help him find something that he lost (his wallet with his id and he glasses tend to go missing).

My sisters and I have had conversations about how much we have accomplished in the past few months – having to adjust very rapidly. We are not exactly relaxed at this point, but the stress level is dramatically lower!

Previous posts: November 2023, November 2023 update, December 2023, January 2024, February 2024, March 2024 (1)

Ramping up Elder Care – March 2024 (1)

A lot has happened in the last few weeks, so I am going to write 2 ‘ramping up elder care’ posts in March. In my mid-February post, I wrote “Are we through the bend…or is more to come before we settle into the new normal?” We were already getting accustomed to my parents’ house being sold…but we were also anxious with my dad testing positive for COVID. My mother tested positive a few days after he did….and died suddenly  few days later after being in the hospital for about 2 hours. So - the bend in my family’s collective life path is continuing into March.

My mother’s funeral was on the 1st. Dad was pleased with his appearance for the funeral; one of the assisted living staff helped him get into his suit (which he had not worn for a few years --- the last time was to a granddaughter’s wedding)…found another shirt so the neck would button and he could wear a tie! My sisters and I alternated being with him during the visitation and service. He seemed to enjoy my slide-by-slide narration of the pictures of Mother’s life from a young child to a few days before she died at 92. He also liked the limo. He did not like seeing Mother in the casket…thought it didn’t look like her even though he acknowledged that it was. He looked a few times then seemed to prefer watching the slideshow.

 My dad is grieving but very engaged with the reconfiguration of his living area at the assisted living group home. We started setting expectations a few days before the funeral so he would not be surprised when the furniture moves started to happen and it helped him internalize that mother was not coming back. The bed my mother has been using was one provided by the assisted living home and it was removed while we were at the funeral. We were all relieved that he didn’t seem traumatized that it was gone.   He is talking more than usual (he previously has always deferred to mother) ….and is more opinionated about how he would like things arranged. My sisters and I are spending more time with him, and the staff is very helpful. The staff has figured out that a small serving of ice cream is a great treat for him…and smooths out rough emotional times. So far – he seems to be surprising us with how well he is navigating his ‘new normal’ without his partner for over 71 years.

My dad’s reactions have been so positive that my sisters and I have already cleared away most of my mother’s belongings. It was a good time for us to talk to each other and him….noting some of the clothes she had worn for years…and others that were almost new…and trying out ideas for where furniture would be moved.

I don’t know for sure that we are at a new normal yet. We are with him more than usual…just to be sure he is OK. So far…he seems to be.

A few last pictures from my parents back yard the day before we closed on the 28th:

One of the neighbors asked the new owner if he could cut the narcissus and daffodil flowers from the yard to bring to the funeral….and the new owner said yes!

One of the neighbors asked the new owner if he could cut the narcissus and daffodil flowers from the yard to bring to the funeral….and the new owner said yes!

Previous posts: November 2023, November 2023 update, December 2023, January 2024, February 2024

Zentangle® – February 2024

February was a stressful month. The pile of tiles I selected these 29 from was finished before the death of my mother. At the end of March….I’ll look at what might be different about the before and after tiles. As I write this post, I am still in the stage of being preoccupied and cycling through various stages of grief; when I think I have reached  level of acceptance, I find myself thinking ‘oh mom would enjoy hearing/seeing this’ before I consciously remind myself that she is gone; I am realizing that my subconscious is churning away and interfering with my ability to focus too.

The square tiles this month are made on the usual neon colored card stock. Most of the time I can make patterns on both sides of the tile…unless I use the thicker pens and the color bleeds through.

The rectangular tiles are a mix of recycled light weight cardboard from cat food boxes (light brown), the wider tiles that are textured stationery from my dad’s business over 30 years ago that I found in his office when we cleaned it out, and the pale yellow/green 3x5 cards are also from his office (he carried them in his shirt pocket for notes….and then stopped about 5 years ago).

The past few months have re-enforced my self-knowledge that making a Zentangle tile (or two or three…) every day helps me through stressful times.

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The Zentangle® Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It was created by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. “Zentangle” is a registered trademark of Zentangle, Inc. Learn more at zentangle.com.

Ten Little Celebrations – February 2024

I am always a little surprised at how easy it is to record something I celebrated every day…and how it is sometimes hard to pick the top 10 near the end of the month. The habit probably has helped me be more resilient to whatever is not going well….and appreciative of how fortunate I am.

A warm day to get the naked lady bulbs and iris rhizomes planted – Actually there were two Feburary days that were warm enough; I used one for planting in my yard and another for planting in my daughters.

Getting a full price offer on my Parents house – This was another double celebration since the offer and the closing happened in February.

Earl Grey tea – I seem to forget how much I like it…then celebrate rediscovering it.

Home again – After the many weeks away late in 2023, I find myself celebrating each and every time I arrive back home.

Out to lunch with my parents – I celebrated that they both were enthusiastic about going and that they ate well at the restaurant for lunch….and wanted their leftovers for dinner!

Snow suitable for patterns – Making patterns in the snow has been a treat this winter….celebrating my second attempt that benefited from my prior experience and the snow being wet (made the pattern I walked stand out more).

Pintails. I celebrated the picture of a pintail at Hagerman….one of my best so far this year.

Married life – Being married for over 51 years is something I often take for granted but, for some reason, I found myself celebrating more this month – that wasn’t even my annual anniversary. Having the long term relationship…a person that I know well, and that knows me well…is fundamental to the way I feel about just about everything else.

Port Aransas Whooping Crane Festival – Celebrating our first multi-day festival since COVID…more on our experiences in upcoming blog posts.

Parents’ house ready for new owner – Lots of coordination with my sisters…and physical work…celebrating that we got everything cleaned out before closing.

Transition Trips to Carrollton TX

I’ve now made two trips to Texas since the beginning of the year and am planning a third. They are very different than before my parents moved to an assisted living group home.

  • I am not staying at their home. On the first trip, I stayed at a hotel relatively close to their group home. The second trip I stayed with my niece. The hotel turned out to be high stress because the deadbolt on my room was jammed (i.e. the chain was the only extra locking on the door). Staying with my niece was low stress for me but probably high stress for her.

  • Visits with my parents were short…not 24/7 like previously. I anticipated that change…but it still feels odd…like I am missing a lot. At the same time, I am much less anxious about how they are doing when me or my sisters are not there.

  • My sisters and I worked to get the house cleaned out and listed for sale. This is the first time I’ve been guiding the sale of a house that is not my own…and I am glad that the technology is there to allow for me to do part of it remotely. We got 2 full price offers on the 1st day it was on the market and have accepted one of them. We still have the garage and storage sheds to clear. We have the milestone of the closing by the end of the month. There is still the physical and emotional work of cleaning out items collected over my parents’ lives that they no longer need. The unseasonably warm weather has helped.

  • I stopped at Hagerman once…went to Josey Ranch twice…but didn’t spend as much time there. I stopped at a greenway park I hadn’t noticed before on the second trip. The places I get out into nature in Texas are going to be changing to parks closer to where my parents are living now…in Dallas rather than Carrollton.

  • We had joked about observing the 4/8 eclipse from my parents’ driveway…but the house will that theirs by that time. I am realizing how many family events centered on the location over the past 30+ years. It will feel strange to not go there anymore.

The transition is happening so quickly with their move to assisted living in early January and the sale of their home finalized at the end of February. It is hard emotionally and physically, but it is also not a prolonged agony. My sisters and I are looking forward to a new normal in March!

Glad to be Home

As I write this, I have been home again for a week after being away almost 7 weeks. It had taken this long to get settle back into an at-home routine….to relax enough to feel truly rested! At first, I felt so exhausted that I took naps – which didn’t seem to help. It took me 5 days to fully empty my car. I needed the alone time after being so engaged with people all the time; I didn’t want to talk on the phone at all…had to force myself to check my text message. My emotions were still volatile, and I consciously started trying to unwind. Cutting back on caffeine, getting more exercise and quick neighborhood hikes (even though it was cold outside) finally worked.

It’s such a joy to just be home. I’ve enjoyed returning to spending more time just being in my house…cooking, reading, writing, making Zentangle tiles, and planning one or two vacation travels for the next 6 months. I pampered myself included burning a scented candle I’ve had for years, a facial (using supplies from a Christmas gift), hot apple cider rooibos tea, big red peppermint stick, and pumpkin oatmeal cookie bars.

As the days passed, I fell myself recovering…although there are some aspects of the past 7 weeks that might be a permanent change. I’ve learned more about how I deal with stress --- holding off its effects until the crisis is ‘over’ --- and then requiring time to recover. It is a strategy and provided enough resilience, but I might need to bolster by stress reduction techniques in preparation for the next crisis; more self-care during a crisis might make recovery easier (or unneeded).

I’ll be taking off for another trip to Carrollton TX soon, but the trip will be only 6 days this time! Much easier!